A few notes of thanks

Dear Governor Easley and NC legislature,
Thanks for committing yourself to the future of our state and cutting $3 million dollars for gifted education. I don't have the numbers on how my salary WON'T be increasing, but I want to say thanks for that too.

Dear Husband,
Thanks for folding your towel and hanging it so it doesn't touch mine and make it all wet.

Dear bees nest,
Thank you for not stinging my children when they are out playing near you.

Dear children,
Thanks for all the giggles and hugs and silliness.

Dear God,
Thank you for my small group, playgroup, and family that continue to love me in spite of all my faults. I have learned so much from them. You are truly awesome. I know I have a lot more to learn, but thanks for your patience while I attempt to use your words to guide my life.

Same stuff, different summer

I have this problem.

EVERY SUMMER.

It's like somehow my body knows it is July or something. I'm not sure if it is the change of temperature, less structure in my day, or the fact that I don't have to be up at 5:30a.m.,(probably that one!) but I can't sleep. It is quite frustrating. I mean, I don't even have any lessons to plan (which is one of my favorite things to do when I can't sleep! I get some of my best ideas!) and I really don't have much to worry about so I just lie there.....

in the dark.....

waiting....

to fall asleep....

It's quite frustrating because it causes another bad cycle - the need for a daytime nap. I REALLY don't want to become dependent on that because it's a hard one to break or carry on during on the school year. HA HA. I have just trained my brain to quietly shut off at 2 o'clock during the school year to simulate a nap.
Anyway, I'm stepping up the frequency and intensity of my exercise routines this week to see if it helps. I think I'll also use some of my massage gift certificate and see if I can't get some of the aches and pains in my bones and muscles worked out.
On the up-side - I do love seeing The Daily Show and the Colbert report in real time!

This is why I teach

For those of you who haven't known me long, I am a middle school teacher. I have been for 15 years now. I can't say I love every minute of it, I mean it is a job and it is a LOT of work most of the time. This year I made a shift in my position. Out of the regular classroom and in to what is called a "facilitator's" role. I am supposed to help teacher's kick their lesson plans up a notch for the gifted children in the school who haven't been growing on the end of grade tests. It turned out to be a difficult adjustment and WAY more political than I knew education could be, but I made it through. At one of my darkest points this year I received the letter I will type below. God is amazing to know what I need and provide it at the right time. You see, I was thinking of leaving the profession. All teachers (at least here in NC) do. That is because they squeeze the ever-living life out of us to get the most of the tax dollars they pay us with. I knew when I entered the profession I would never be in the top socioeconomically - I didn't know that my kids would qualify for reduced lunch because of it!? What I'm trying to say is that teaching is quite a thankless profession and we often don't get to see or hear from the kids we taught about how they turned out, which is why we cherish things like I'm going to share below. Ultimately, I think we want to know that we made a difference in someone's life. And so please read, get a tissue if you are tender-hearted, and if you have children in school - write their teacher a nice note.

Mrs. B,
Hi, this is Chris W. You may remember me as a former student. It's hard to believe that here I am about to graduate, and I had your class in the eighth grade. I just wanted to say thank you for being a great teacher. I don't know if you realize the impact you made on my life. You did more than teach me Language Arts. You showed me a lot about life. I still remember sitting with you and talking about the Third Day and Mercy Me concerts. It was so cool to have a teacher that shared the same interests as me. I believe it was your unique style of teaching that made me enjoy your class the most. It was you who inspired me to become a teacher. I want to teach seventh grade Language Arts. Well, thank you so much for everything.
Chris W.

And on that note I will return to the classroom, hoping to impact other students the way I did Chris.

A shadow of myself

Sometimes I must confess I feel lost in this life I'm living. I haven't figured out why. I speculate a few theories.(which I might go in to another day) They have to do with the mistrust and lack of guidance from my parents. I'm a motherless mother - attempting to do things differently from the way I was raised. It is definitely a challenge to guard all the words that come out of my mouth before they exit it. The legacy I want to carry on is not one of hurt but that of love. Quite a big accomplishment when I look at back at my childhood. What I'm leading up to is this feeling of being lost makes me feel like I'm a shadow of what I used to be, at least with the good qualities and hobbies I used to pursue. Perhaps those talents are just on hold while my children are little? But they too feel as if they are withering from the lack of sunshine and nourishment. I could make a list of the many things I used to do before I had kids that I enjoyed and no longer do. It seems like the person I was even 5 years ago is here, but only in the background. Somehow, becoming a mom consumed "me" and that's what makes me a shadow of myself.
In other news.... I made it through my first gym workout with my husband. What he doesn't know is how much I hate the gym, sweating, and exercise in general. I have a free 30 day membership. Only 29 more days.......He is just trying to help me achieve my goal mentioned in a previous post. Did I mention that I hate the gym?

My 39th summer

WOW - that is a hard title to type! As I was walking with my good friend Allison today she said "So, how is your 39th summer going?" I gasped. Oh MY GOD! I am 39. I forget that A LOT. Not just because I have a 1.5 and a 3.5 year old and basically went without sleeping a solid night for about 2 years of my life. Sleep deprivation will do things to your mind - that's why they use it in war.
I know there are many things I have forgotten - mostly people/students names, some memories (which might be good especially if they are family related!). But, how on earth do I forget my age? I guess it is because the majority of people I converse, work, or spend time with are younger than me, and so it is easy for me to assume their age until there is an 80's reference. This happens with my husband A LOT. He is 6 years younger than me and so if a particular song comes on I'll say "Man, I remember roller skating to this" and he'll be like "I remember riding my tricycle to this!?"
I feel I should set some goals at this point. I have decided to share them with you. For example, I want to lose the last bit of Grant/nursing weight. That would be a good 15 pounds. My dream is to wear a size 8 again, but I'll be happy with a 10 which is 2 sizes smaller than I am now! This weight loss feels eminent. Like, if I don't do it NOW, then I won't ever lose it. To coin a phrase - it's now or never. To achieve this goal I have already started eating better and less ( I am guilty of stress and boredom eating) and exercising more. It is all about the math - less calories in = less calories to work off. Plus I feel better about myself when I am smaller because for 33 years I was petite. I can actually remember at one point in my life being put on a diet to gain weight!
Mostly, I don't feel 39. There are mornings like today where the whole left side of my body is aching. Maybe it has to do with the excess weight. But mostly I feel less than 39. Perhaps it is because I have small children, or I teach kids, but it just shocks me to hear that I am 39. I'm not sure where I was going with this, maybe it's because I am 39~!

Hey!

Hey - how are you?! It's been over 4 months since I've typed. Things got worse for a while at work and then they got better. And now it is summer break. I went to a great workshop today. It's nice to be treated like the professional I feel I am. What have you been up to? I've got a bunch of things rolling around in my head to type about. Hope you will enjoy reading them, give feedback, or maybe think. I'll be back - hope you will too. :-)

SNOW DAY - take 2

Indeed it is true. It wasn't even forecasted, but we got a good two inches last night! It fell in about an hour and a half. The roads are crazy icy, so we have what is called an "Optional Teacher Workday". Which means if you are old and have accumulated days (I earn 1.85 a month now) you can stay home or go in and keep your days to trade in when you want to retire. If you aren't old then you go. I would go, but I don't have any childcare and the one time I did try to take them to work and do something it was more stressful than not getting the work done. SO. We got another Saturday this week.(That's how I'm looking at it!) We had a nice breakfast. Played. Grant will go down for a nap in a while and then I will set to baking my birthday/Valentine's day cake.
I'm going to use the Red Velvet recipe I used to make the kids' birthday cupcakes. It is Paula Deen's and SO delicious. For some reason snow makes me feel like baking. And drinking hot chocolate. I might have to go make a cup shortly. Surprisingly, Grayson was only a little interested in playing in the snow. When she found out she could NOT wear her princess dress or just her birthday suit outside to play in the snow, she kind of changed her mind about going out and playing in it. It was very dry this morning before the sun came up. We couldn't even make snowballs to throw at one another! Greg just called to say it has melted enough to be good for making a snow man. I just don't know if we'll go outside. Grant doesn't have any boots, so as soon as he stepped in the snow his little shoes would get filled, and who wants to walk around with wet shoes and socks. Guaranteed to make your toes cold quickly. It would be fun to run out and make a snow angel however.
Oh, that's right. I've been meaning to tell you. There might be limited day time posting ( and reading) as I have not yet decided if I want to submit my blog address for review. You see they adjusted our filter at school and now I am not able to enter this site. I can submit it to be reviewed, but I'm not sure I want someone looking over my shoulder. So if my posts start to get sparse, you know it is because there is almost NO uninterrupted time in the evenings when I don't feel totally exhausted and can form a coherent sentence.
In other news.....my birthday was Tuesday. I am officially one year away from entering a new decade of life. I must say this somewhat bothers me. I mean I know the average life span of a woman is 80.1 years. Which means my life is almost half over. That is weird to type. You try it. Oh, that's right most all my readers are YOUNGER than me. You'll be here one day, don't worry. Grant just brought me some blocks. Time to go play.
Happy Valentine's Day. I'll post some pics later, and maybe my favorite LOVE poem.

And then Wednesday came!

My job this year is quite different from what I have done the last 14 years. For the last 14 years I've been a regular classroom teacher - creating and executing life changing or at least memorable lessons, building relationships with students and staff, and excelling at both. So it is hard for me to set up criteria by which to gauge this year as far as being successful. I might have mentioned earlier that I have been placed in a highly unethical situation for the rest of the year. I have to do something simply because of who a child's step-dad is. I also have to spend a large amount of time (at least an hour and a half) daily preparing and executing this service (which started as a professional courtesy, but has gotten WAY out of hand) The amount of focus this service requires takes away from what my job is "supposed" to be. Needless to say, it bums me out. This is coupled with the fact that my job is only funded for this year. We were doing some investigating of the upcoming 5th grade population and it is about 40% of what it is this year - thereby giving more fuel to the "don't rehire" possibility. So on Saturday I found out a good friend got an administrative position and would be leaving her position similar to mine. It is called a curriculum facilitator. They are always funded. So I started thinking that maybe I could transfer to her position. And as I was thinking it came to me that the Board of Education has to approve transfers. THE BOARD. And then I realized it will never happen. That is because the unethical situation I mentioned earlier is a result of the President of the School Board. Yeah, he's the one who approves transfers, so if I transferred then the service would stop since it is his step child whom I serve. So, do you think I would be allowed to transfer. Probably not. I will have to find a job in another county. Which might not be such a bad thing because all the surrounding communities have higher pay than the one where I currently work. The poopy thing is that is will increase my travel time which will decrease my time with the kids.
So I was carrying all that poop with me today - thinking thoughts like - I don't care about the rest of the year. I'll do the least amount of work that is possible and comply and get out. And then......

Wednesday came.

Today is the day that I get to teach the smartest kids in the school. For a while I forgot that they were the reason I came here. Luckily today they reminded me with their wit and depth. Today we had meaningful conversation about why segragation should end, how the KKK really doesn't promote Christian values as its website suggests and why Jim Crow Laws were ridiculous.
Today we got to talk about the importance of being a good citizen to maintain our environment to reduce the disappearance of particular species due to their food chain being eliminated.
Today we got to create a video to help the incoming 5th graders.
Today we discovered that salt and baking soda really CAN embalm a chicken.
Thank GOD for Wednesday! I think I can make it until Friday now.

Good things come to those who wait!

So, I FINALLY have a decent vacuum. Last Saturday I took the kids to Tar`get to kill some time while their dad was working a 14 hour day and I spotted it - $60 off. "It" was a Dyson vacuum. I had asked for one for Christmas and had not received it. (Shockingly, because the expense alone would have knocked out a year's worth of gifts!) Anywho, instead of impulse buying it, I did the right thing which was ask my conscience - I mean ask my husband because it was a $300 purchase and I remember how I felt when he purchased a new TV and surround sound system 4 years ago without consulting me. I still have about $100 left from my Christmas money and with my birthday coming in a little over a week(that will be a post for another day!) I'm sure to get some more so I would only have to use a little from our account. We talked on Sunday and I told him there were only 3 so I would go and see if there were any on Monday. Well our toaster oven stopped working Monday, so when I went to the store, they were out. I figured that it was a sign it wasn't my time. Yesterday luckily I mean unfortunately Grant ran out of diapers at daycare and thinking that Greg would be gone/working all weekend I would just run by and pick some up. I was in the store and decided to take a chance and see if there happened to be any that arrived - sure enough, there they sat, just waiting for me to put one in my cart. I could have done cartwheels I was so excited!!! I could have saved another $36 by applying for a Target red card making my little vacuum $100 off!!! But I didn't because I'm already over $20,000 in credit card debt and adding one more temptation would only deepen the hole.
Let me tell you - it runs like a dream. Even Greg wanted to use it!?! Grant took a turn pushing it. It's actually very quiet. We kept walking around saying (with your best British accent too)
"It doesn't loose suction!".
The most exciting part for me was the hose. You see about 14 years ago I sucked a "AA" battery up the hose of my vacuum when I was cleaning under and behind the couch. I got the vacuum fixed, but the hose never recovered.
I highly recommend it if you need a new vacuum. The soft whirr of the vacuum is inspiring - I might even do the car later. I think that will have to wait because Greg decided he wants to have our small group over for the Super Bowl on Sun. - so I get to use my new vacuum!

Behind the ball

Behind the ball is a figure of speech that I find applies to my life more and more.(unfortunately!)
How is it that I used to stay on top of everything and now can barely stay on top of anything!
Is it because the amount of things I have to stay on top of has increased exponentially with adding 3 members to my family? I remember the days (fondly of course) when it was just my cat and I. Those were the days when I could lay something down, and then it would still be in the place I put it (unless it was shiny or made a crinkling sound and then they were Romeo's!)
EVERY day is such a struggle - just to get out the door to work and then once I get home to get dinner ready and spend some time with the kids and don't forget the hubby, he needs time too. It makes me wonder, do other people have to struggle this much? Should it be such a challenge for me to get something on the table for dinner, or maintain a semi-clean, clutter-free home? Will the whining, crying, and clinginess EVER end? Will there EVER be a time when I can say "Wow, that was easy?!" Nothing ever feels like it goes smoothly. It's all interrupted and chaotic despite my best efforts to create routines.
After further reflection I think everyone does have his or her own struggle. I continue to hope that the days of smooth and easy are ahead in my future. Those are the days where I might actually be able to stay awake past 9 p.m.! LOL.
Since I am always open to suggestions - I would love to hear from some of the moms who read about how they create calmness in their life or reduce the stress. Thanks in advance!

Two lefts don't make a right!

So winter weather arrived again last week - and it has actually had the nerve to stay for more than a day! We had snow Saturday that has hung around and as they say in the South - Snow that waits is waiting for more snow!
Anyway, back to the REAL blog entry that coordinates with the title. It was cold and icy in the mornings which required us to scrape our car windows. I go out the first morning and start the cars and proceed to scrape. Something I hadn't done in a very long time. I reach in my right pocket which is the usual storage location for my gloves and there isn't anything in it. Strange I think to myself. Then a flashback hits me, I remember Grant was carrying my glove and I quickly grabbed it from him and stuck it somewhere so that I would have it for an exact situation as this. Alas it is morning and I am running late, so my brain could not process where that somewhere spot was that I stuck my glove. So I go to get the back up pair in the house in my room and realize that he had pillaged that set too - taking the right glove again. I had two left gloves, and no right. I simply stuck a left glove on my right hand and managed to remove the ice.
And so the title of this entry, no matter how hard I wanted my left gloves to work, they couldn't make a right one. I continued to search and found both right gloves. Luckily I also received a new pair of gloves for Christmas which I was able to utilize on the next really cold morning.
Later today I travel to the doctor for my yearly gyno. check up ( down there! ). Good times!
At least I have 3 complete sets of gloves. I even thought about purchasing a new pair yesterday - or opening a shop that sells single gloves!

What to do, what to do

So, it's been another fun week at our house. We have a stomach bug and I have spent virtually NO time at school right before the close of the semester. I have paid for full daycare tuition, and now my husband and I are trading taking half days without pay to stay home with sick kids. BLAH. They have " the rea" (as a child I was a nanny to used to call it!) Grant has been loose since Sun. YIKES. Now I am just waiting to see if I get it. On to more exciting news.....





We might have a snow day tomorrow!!!!!! Living in the Piedmont of North Carolina creates interesting weather patterns. In fact, weather is one of my favorite things to teach! SOOOO, there is this cool thing called the Appalachian wedge. (excuse me, but here in NC the A word is pronounced Ah-puh-lah-chen). That is when a front of moisture moves up from the South and meets a cold front that has gotten stuck and trapped by the mountains. The result of this mixture is - SNOW. Thick and wet snow!!!! We have not had a measurable snow since Grayson was born - she is 3! The other thing that can happen is if the air isn't cold enough, then you get ice. I'm hoping it is snow and not ice tomorrow morning!!!

My favorite Snow day memory occurred when I was in college. I went to Western Michigan University in scenic Kalamazoo Michigan (yes, there really is a place called that!) It was close to the end of my academic career. In fact, I was student teaching. The other thing that you might not know is that since it can snow almost daily in Michigan, there aren't many snow days. That might be why this one sticks out. It involved a hill, two kids I babysat and my best friend - whom I was living with and presently miss very much - and her name is the same as mine. We had SO much fun sledding. I can only remember one other time having that much fun sledding and that was at my Grandparents house WAY up almost to the upper peninsula in Michigan and I lived there for 10 years. There were many snow forts, caves, and snow football games as well as outdoor skating!!! but back to the memory at hand....
I think we spent at least half the day outside sledding in different areas around the neighborhood. One was a hill at a Junior High near us. Another was near some tennis courts. You see, we lived half way up a hill, so any direction we went was down! I remember not minding the cold and knowing that this was a day I would always remember.
I wish I could remember more details, but I am old, and stressed, and sleep deprived! So, think of a really good time in the snow and then add my face. Perhaps my best friend will comment since I know she frequents the blog and share her memory.
I used to have such a good mind.....

The SDD

For a while now I have been contemplating an invention. I feel there would be enough support from families that it could help simplify hours of searching or days of waiting.

The device's name - the S D D for short or the Sippy Detection Device for long.

Yes the sippy cup detection device will help coral all those lost and wayward sippy cups filled with milk that can't find their way back to your toddler or the refrigerator.

We seem to have this problem where the sippy cup gets filled and carried to some part of the house - which is way better I guess than an open cup spilled?! Maybe?! Instead our sippy cups head out of the kitchen and sometimes living room for what is supposed to be a 3 hour tour and wind up stranded on some island. For example, this week. I KNOW I washed like 8 sippy cups on Monday so they were all in the kitchen. I filled 2 with milk. Only 1 could be found at dinner time. Each day I looked in closets, under the couch, in the toy box, etc. scouring the house for the lost (and hopefully not full of milk!) sippy. Sometimes this can happen two or three times in a day if dear old dad is around. So what do you think? What I see is something similar to "the Clapper". In fact it reminds me of a device that my friend Eric had on his keys. He kept misplacing his keys, so someone got him this thing which he attached to his key chain. Then, whenever he forgot where they were he just clapped loudly and if the keys were within reach of the clapping sound they emitted this horrible signal letting him know where he left them. He could then easily follow the ear-shattering signal to the location of his keys.
That is what I picture for the Sippy cup Detection Device. I'm serious about the amount of time I spend searching for these things. No amount of encouraging will get the sippy's back home. Sigh.
What do you think? Is it marketable?

Need a snowday?

Hello friends.
It has been 11 days since my last blog post. I have blogged a little in my brain - sorry there isn't a piece of technology for you to use and get to see that!
Anyway, I was searching online the other day for something to do with my math group of kids on symmetry and I found this.
I find it very soothing. I might even link it to my blog I like it so much. Maybe you will share your designs with me?!
I'll try to blog more this weekend, but the dealership is moving in to its new home, so that means a lot of home time with mommy and not much daddy at home time which means not much time for mommy on the computer. I'll have to think of a mathematical way to express that! Or perhaps you can.