Sometimes I must confess I feel lost in this life I'm living. I haven't figured out why. I speculate a few theories.(which I might go in to another day) They have to do with the mistrust and lack of guidance from my parents. I'm a motherless mother - attempting to do things differently from the way I was raised. It is definitely a challenge to guard all the words that come out of my mouth before they exit it. The legacy I want to carry on is not one of hurt but that of love. Quite a big accomplishment when I look at back at my childhood. What I'm leading up to is this feeling of being lost makes me feel like I'm a shadow of what I used to be, at least with the good qualities and hobbies I used to pursue. Perhaps those talents are just on hold while my children are little? But they too feel as if they are withering from the lack of sunshine and nourishment. I could make a list of the many things I used to do before I had kids that I enjoyed and no longer do. It seems like the person I was even 5 years ago is here, but only in the background. Somehow, becoming a mom consumed "me" and that's what makes me a shadow of myself.
In other news.... I made it through my first gym workout with my husband. What he doesn't know is how much I hate the gym, sweating, and exercise in general. I have a free 30 day membership. Only 29 more days.......He is just trying to help me achieve my goal mentioned in a previous post. Did I mention that I hate the gym?
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2 comments:
((HUGS))
I feel you on this.. except my old hobbies were not so noble. HAHA
No really..you said you can make a list of the activities you used to enjoy. Maybe you should make a list!! Then take a close look at it..what can you do now? What can you fit in? Find what it is you don't think you can do anymore and let.it.go.
This summer would be a good place to start-with the kids in daycare, I wonder if you could just find one hour each day to devote to yourself. Or a half hour? Something that is all about YOU.
I think you've earned it. I think you deserve it. And I think everyone in your family will be better for it! What do you think?
I think a lot of moms feel that way. I think if we really invest in serving our families and raising up our kids, a lot of what was "us" gets put aside for now ... at least, that's how I feel right now, too ...
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