Same stuff, different summer

I have this problem.

EVERY SUMMER.

It's like somehow my body knows it is July or something. I'm not sure if it is the change of temperature, less structure in my day, or the fact that I don't have to be up at 5:30a.m.,(probably that one!) but I can't sleep. It is quite frustrating. I mean, I don't even have any lessons to plan (which is one of my favorite things to do when I can't sleep! I get some of my best ideas!) and I really don't have much to worry about so I just lie there.....

in the dark.....

waiting....

to fall asleep....

It's quite frustrating because it causes another bad cycle - the need for a daytime nap. I REALLY don't want to become dependent on that because it's a hard one to break or carry on during on the school year. HA HA. I have just trained my brain to quietly shut off at 2 o'clock during the school year to simulate a nap.
Anyway, I'm stepping up the frequency and intensity of my exercise routines this week to see if it helps. I think I'll also use some of my massage gift certificate and see if I can't get some of the aches and pains in my bones and muscles worked out.
On the up-side - I do love seeing The Daily Show and the Colbert report in real time!

My 39th summer

WOW - that is a hard title to type! As I was walking with my good friend Allison today she said "So, how is your 39th summer going?" I gasped. Oh MY GOD! I am 39. I forget that A LOT. Not just because I have a 1.5 and a 3.5 year old and basically went without sleeping a solid night for about 2 years of my life. Sleep deprivation will do things to your mind - that's why they use it in war.
I know there are many things I have forgotten - mostly people/students names, some memories (which might be good especially if they are family related!). But, how on earth do I forget my age? I guess it is because the majority of people I converse, work, or spend time with are younger than me, and so it is easy for me to assume their age until there is an 80's reference. This happens with my husband A LOT. He is 6 years younger than me and so if a particular song comes on I'll say "Man, I remember roller skating to this" and he'll be like "I remember riding my tricycle to this!?"
I feel I should set some goals at this point. I have decided to share them with you. For example, I want to lose the last bit of Grant/nursing weight. That would be a good 15 pounds. My dream is to wear a size 8 again, but I'll be happy with a 10 which is 2 sizes smaller than I am now! This weight loss feels eminent. Like, if I don't do it NOW, then I won't ever lose it. To coin a phrase - it's now or never. To achieve this goal I have already started eating better and less ( I am guilty of stress and boredom eating) and exercising more. It is all about the math - less calories in = less calories to work off. Plus I feel better about myself when I am smaller because for 33 years I was petite. I can actually remember at one point in my life being put on a diet to gain weight!
Mostly, I don't feel 39. There are mornings like today where the whole left side of my body is aching. Maybe it has to do with the excess weight. But mostly I feel less than 39. Perhaps it is because I have small children, or I teach kids, but it just shocks me to hear that I am 39. I'm not sure where I was going with this, maybe it's because I am 39~!

Quiet = bad

Since I will be spending larger amounts of time in math(courtesy o' my principal) my brain is thinking in different ways. What was once a twisted trail (ah, yes, alliteration) of words is now *sometimes* straight-forward and logical. Go figure! (no pun intended)

The new equation is: Quiet = bad.

This applies to children. I especially think it applies to those children under the age of 5. This weekend my husband and I both had many tasks which we needed to complete. I will tell you on a regular weekend when this happens it usually works out that we talk about what needs to get done and then I watch the kids after he returns from work so that he can do what is on his list. Never is the childwatching returned so that I may work on my list accomplished. I have to fight my way through one-handed to finish anything. Most things get started, and are then interrupted by little people who can't go to the bathroom by themselves or feed themselves. I digress.....back to Quiet = bad.

I guess the severe lack of uninterrupted sleep has caused my mother's intuition to be defunct because normally I can ward off some evil. Not this weekend.
will be by with her white glove. Grayson has gotten particularly good at going to the bathroom when she needs to. She doesn't tell us, just heads to the bathroom. This makes me oh-so happy to not have to change or spend money on diapers. She still has a few things to work on, such as wiping and washing hands afterword, but the pee-pee is in the potty 99% of the time. It is because of this that I did not suspect anything. I had a million things on my list I needed to do because next weekend is the family birthday party for my little people and super-perfect SMIL will be around with the white glove. ANYWHO, Grayson entered the bathroom and I got busy in various parts of the house and then realized



it's quiet.


Oh NO - TOO LATE. The first time it happened she had gotten in to her new Princess toothpaste -("Mommy it comes out like a heart") and had sucked a good portion straight out of the tube in addition to smearing a heavy dose on the bathroom counter because "It needed to brush its teeth too". When dh saw it and was amused, I told him he could clean it up if he thought it was so funny.
The next incident occurred during the hurried dinner making fiasco time.
ONCE AGAIN under the guise of going to the bathroom she disappears. In the meantime I am checking peas, listening for timers to go off, and then


it's quiet.


OH CRAP not again! She had emptied these shaped soap flakes; a few in the tub, the rest on the floor and her brother was scurrying to taste them.

So remember, in the future, if you are a new parent, a parent to be, or not yet a parent.

Quiet = bad. It could save you unnecessary cleaning up.

My principal + a problem = solution (me)

My once seemingly well-balanced plate at work has simply runneth over this past week. I don't think I've explained my job as it is a new position and we are somewhat ironing out the kinks while I work. I am a certified ( and certifiable!!) Middle School teacher. I have 4 areas of certification which one might say is overzealous.(yes, English is one of the areas) Someone else might say it is smart because that means I will never be out of a job. ( come on, I live in NC, we're CONSTANTLY short teachers - why do you think I moved here?!?!) But a third person could say is stupid to have that many areas because that means you will be switched every year.....which I mostly am, but I digress.
This year I get a fancy title - AIG facilitator. And since education is noted for its acronyms I will tell you that AIG = Academically/Intellectually Gifted.
That's right. As I comprehend from my interview last April I am to assist with the program AND (here comes my favorite part!) I get to teach WHATEVER I WANT!!!! That's right. Every Wednesday the top 5% of the school comes to my room to be "enriched". These kids are amazing. It makes my week. I don't feel worthy to teach them.
SO back to the story at hand (which is getting quite lengthy I might add). Besides teaching the STARS ( Students That Are Really Smart ) on Wednesdays I am supposed to be able to assist teachers by planning and/or executing lessons for the classes that they have AIG kids in. I was making my own schedule for the most part and coordinating with the 3 grade levels of teachers.
It appears my "services" are needed now in whatever classroom they receive the most parent complaints from. Doesn't matter if there are AIG kids in the room or not. Not that I have to exclusively ONLY teach gifted kids. I have taught all levels of students up until this year, so it is no skin off my nose. The problem was that by being in these other classes I was not able to "my work" which includes maintaining accurate files (close to 225) and I had a big report due yesterday.
I am being ping-ponged between two main classes - 6th grade math and 8th grade English. The 8th graders' teacher is on maternity leave and they need to be ready for Honors Freshman English next year. Having a substitute who just writes the assignments on the board will not do it. The 6th grade teacher is entering teaching from another position. This is his first ever teaching gig. Teaching my friends is not for the faint-hearted. This gentleman is mathematically sound, but has not refined his discipline or teaching techniques because this is his first teaching gig. Which is where I enter the picture. I thought I had raised him up enough in the six weeks I was going in there so I exited to handle the English because the two class times clash. However in the 2 weeks I was out of math the parents raised enough of a stink that I am now back in math


for the whole year.

My principal and I had a chat after I visited the director of Gifted Services for our county and attempted to set up a schedule.
My principal explained that this (probably meaning the parents who were complaining) is problem. While there were other solutions such as changing students' schedules he was not willing to do that. Which means that I am his solution ( which is what I said to him). SO the new math is
principal + problem = solution (me)

The other facilitators at my school are aware of the problem and so we joke that if they have any problems, I might be able to solve them since I am the solution.
Just let me know if you have any problems, I might be the solution to them too.

Only a man

The leaves are finally changing colors here in the Southeast. This requires men to pull out the heavy artillery - jet pack leaf blowers. I was somewhat startled by the sudden whirr outside my classroom window today, so I leapt to the window to see the custodian
with his jet-pack leaf blower on
blowing
one
leaf
all
the
way
down
the
covered
walkway.
And thus the title of tonight's post.

A Case of the Mondays

Some of you may be familiar with this line from one of my favorite movies "Office Space". In case you have been sleeping under a rock and haven't seen this movie here is a quick explanation. The co-workers in the office repeat that line over and over to a particular worker because of his behavior on Monday. It becomes irritating because he doesn't feel like anything is wrong. However, it applies today because we just TOTALLY got off to a bad start.
I awoke suddenly at 3:30ish because I heard Grant crying. I figured he was probably cold and hungry. He didn't eat very much dinner and wouldn't keep the blanket on when I tried to put one on him. He was NOT going back to sleep after he ate on one side, so I switched him to the other hoping to hear those sweet little breath sounds change to slow ones which means he is asleep and I can lay him back in the crib. At about 4 his sister wakes up crying - after a record 17 days without an accident, she wet the bed. Greg pops his head in Grant's room and says she will need dry jammies. (Her dresser is in the closet of his room because I got tired of her pulling all her clothes out of the drawers and leaving them on the floor when it was in her room). Grant thinks this means it is time to play, but is heartbroken when I return him to his crib. I go next door to help take care of the pee-pee situation since daddy doesn't know where anything is.(like dry sheets, etc.) I start rocking her while he attempts to mop up the effected area on the bed. After 20 or more minutes of work we decide to make her a bed on the floor to finish the night out. It is now just about 5 a.m. when I return to sleep or rather bed because it was too long to be up and I have a hard time going to sleep.
This time that we were awake affected the kids too. Not only did WE not want to get up (ya know, the responsible adults, HA!) They didn't want to get up, Grayson couldn't make the simplest decision and changed her mind 20 times about shoes,pocketbook, and breakfast.
Needless to say this caused me to be 20 minutes late for work and have a case of the Mondays. Maybe if I could go to Chotchskies and get a cup of coffee my day would be better? Or perhaps I could beat the printer with a baseball bat? I definitely don't have enough flair. I do have a meeting later, but not with the Bob's. Anyway, that was a bunch of references to the movie. You should really see it if you haven't. I bet watching it would help my case of the Mondays!

Dry Spell Over!!

I imagine that is what the newspapers will say. You see for the first time in about 6 weeks we had measurable rain! I was actually excited about it. I rushed out of the bathroom and awoke my snoring husband to share the good news. ALL our plants look sooo sad. And while I was preparing for my day in the bathroom I started thinking about how my life has dry spells too. (I'm sure my husband thinks of our sex dry spell almost daily!Doh!Poor fella.)
I'm kind of in a spiritual dry spell. It's very hard for me to get motivated to rush and dress the family and then get buckled in the car, and then unbuckle and attempt to carry Grant with one arm while carrying the diaper bag, my pocketbook, and hopefully Grayson's hand through the parking lot and down the long hall to the nursery. Once the children are settled I attempt to worship while waiting on pins and needles until my number comes up indicating it is time for me to assist the nursery with my crying/upset son. This usually occurs right as the message is about to start causing me to miss it or right near the end so I miss the final points. Also, tonight is Bible study. I don't even know where the book is, so how could I read to be prepared? It's a couples Bible study, so we're supposed to be "sharing" the book. I can just tell you that ain't happening. Is it ironic that the book is about being closer to God and yet I feel more distant than ever? I know it is my own doing, I just don't know how to un-do it.
I read on one of the many church signposts that I travel by each day this saying:
"Pray for rain and then carry an umbrella."

I'm still trying to figure that one out in relation to my life. What do you think it means?

I'm gonna get you sucka

So I guess I must have SUCKER tattoed on my forehead. I have a gut feeling about things. For example over the summer when I lost my job and then they found money and reinstated me. I had a gut feeling it would work out. But last night's gut feeling was that this is wrong.
Going back to my beliefs as a Christian, I think everyone deserves a second chance. And that we should help other people. Okay now that you know two of my basic philosophies I'll tell the rest of the story ( as Paul Harvey would say ).
I was approached in the driveway by a guy that I recognized as living in my neighborhood. Usually he is pushing a mower and offering to mow yards, but since we haven't had any measurable rain in 2 months, nobody needs their yard mowed. (Not that we ever allowed him. He's also tried to get gas for his mower from us and I had to be rude to get him to leave, but still he returns.) SO I guess he was trying to cook up a different way to get some cash. He and his "nephew" aka a young school age kid were working the neighborhood trying to "raise money" for the local school fundraiser. I have been with this system 10 years and know that for 2 of the schools I've worked at checks for fundraisers were made out directly to the PTO. This guy wanted me to make it out the boy for $3 more than the item I was buying and I would get the difference a week from Fri. when he delivered my product. So my gut was telling me - NO WAY. But then my head starts in telling me "Maybe the school has to cover a lot of bounced checks and they add the cost to make sure it clears." Well, I should have gone with my gut. I called the school this morning. Then I called the bank and put a stop payment on the check. Now I will be religiously checking the account online to make sure he isn't check washing or doing something else with our little bit of savings.
If I could just say NO then this would not be a problem. Is this a reminder not to trust people or that I need to be stronger? Some day I'll learn.

To dream, to sleep

Remember how night time is supposed to be for sleep? Well, at our house it is mostly just a battle of wits. So far, I think the adults are losing. I understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I have trouble thinking of simple words some days. It's getting to be ridiculous. But that is not really what this blog was supposed to be about. This blog is supposed to be about how I miss dreaming. I have always had an elaborate imagination - which can be really bad when you are a mom and tend to lean to the pessimistic side so I envision mostly dramatically tragic things happening to her. The other thing about the dreams was I could always recall the details very well. Now, I think I don't get to stay asleep long enough without interruption to get to the dreaming stage - which makes me really sad. However, I did have this one weird one. I'm not exactly sure if I was dreaming because I had a VERY bad headache and wasn't sure I was asleep, but here goes. I was e-mailing or writing a letter to Julia Roberts. In the dream I felt keenly connected to her because her twins are a week older than my daughter. Then her second pregnancy produced a son just like mine did. Anyway, through this letter we became friends(she called me!) and the best part was that after a while she paid off my debt and got me in to a couple of movies. Pretty neat huh? Now, do I actually attempt the letter.....

What's in a Name?

Asked Shakespeare. Well, I felt like the name of the blog didn't really fit any longer. Then when someone on a bulletin board I frequent commented on the low number of posts by listing the few other names and then "Heather at night" it made me think of a talk show. But, I liked it well enough to change the name here. I do usually post at night anyway, so it is fitting. Now all I need is some catchy theme music!

The Lost

No, it's not a t.v. show. It's a waste of time because I have LOST too many things in the past week. I'd like to chock it up to mommy brain, but jeez. First on Tuesday I *thought* I left my classroom with the key. On Wednesday when I went to enter, I realized I did not have the key. The whole day finding the key was on my mind. In fact, I don't think I got but a few things done because I was trying to retrace my steps mentally. Luckily on Wednesday my student teacher had it on her desk! Thank goodness because there is a $50 fee for replacement and God knows I don't have that kind of money. Then on Friday I went to get our babysitter some cash....only to discover that my debit card is gone. I decided NOT to report it because I could have put it in my jacket pocket and I'm cheap (did I mention that?) and wanted to hunt some more unsuccessfully before surrendering. Did I also mention that I hate wasting time looking for things that did not make it to their properly allocated space?! ( that sentence sounds horribly anal when I just reread it!) Alas, by Sunday I had exhausted all areas and gave in. The new card will be here within 3 - 5 business days. The pisser is that I can't access my bank account online because the login is tied to your card number.....which I don't know since it hasn't arrived. I NEVER (I'm talking like before children) used to lose things. I already lost one classroom key this year (that's just karma trying to tell the rest of the school that I shouldn't be in 6th grade IMO) I think there is a secret blackhole in the cosmos that holds all my missing stuff, including all those single socks in the dryer. A Bermuda triangle if you will. Maybe when I die I'll have access to that Bermuda triangle and find all that I've lost.

Love/Hate Relationship

I am limited on the amount of time when I shop, but I LOVE a bargain, and I NEED to not spend much money, so Wal-Mart is the perfect place for me.......but.....
I HATE it too.
I HAVE to go there once a week to stock up. I can get more food for the family there than any other place. And if I need something odd, I don't have to make another trip to a different store. This is especially important when you have a 2 yr. old who can only sit in the cart comfortably for about 20 min. and it is 5 o'clock p.m. and your 5 month old needs to nurse in the next half hour. I've been comparison shopping since last summer and watch the flyers like a hawk and this is my conclusion.
I HATE Wal-Mart for many reasons. Let's start with the carts. My local Food Lion started providing antibacterial wipes at their entrances near the carts. I find this small perk comforting. It was drizzling the last time I took the kids to Wal-Mart which meant that the seat was wet - could we find a papertowel to dry it off? No, we also passed our dry cart on to a couple entering in the same situation with their child. Next area of hatred.....the organization. Now I know they sell everything, but there has to be a more logical way to get it in that huge place. I mean, one should not have to spend twice their allocated shopping time in search of one item, my latest being floral wire - shouldn't it have been in the craft department near the fake flowers? I never did find it. Also if I need help finding something there isn't anyone around to ask. My financial and time budgets are both limited. The final area of hatred is the check-out. No matter how many they have open, there is ALWAYS a line - with at least 3 people, even the self check-outs. There has only been one time I did not have to wait in line and that was at 7 a.m. on a Monday. Unfortunately for most of the year I am on my way to work at this time. I'll save the rest of my comments on their workers for another rant!
And yet, in spite all of its flaws.................
I'll be there next week. Am I a hypocrit?

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Not Grandma like we thought, but Grant! The weather was too treacherous for Grandma to venture over safely. So, my sweet almost five month old boy sat in the high chair for the first time tonight. I'll do my best to include a picture. It's another milestone in his life. I was reading my friend Rebecca's blog and she lamented kids growing up being bittersweet and I have to agree. It's so exciting that he is starting to eat big boy food and sit up, but then it is sad too because he is not my BABY anymore.
He is SO precious....which leads to my next dilemma. We have had 3 great days together. We took the most glorious nap together this afternoon. I love being with him, and yet
I love teaching.
I sway between wanting to be a stay at home mom and a working mom. Good days, I wish I was home, bad days I am so glad I get to go to work. And then comes the guilt monster for feeling like I don't want to be around my kids when they are misbehaving. Well, right now it's really only my 2 yr. old who tells me "NO" to just about everything. It causes me to pray! I really don't know what to do with her, other than do my best to be consistent and patient. I feel like I can't do anything right and everything that she does that is wrong is my fault. Tomorrow I return to being away from them for almost 50 hours a week and we'll see how I feel.

Eau de Urine

It seems that my 2 yr. old is having some potty-training setbacks. Nothing major, just being so involved in the "Little Einsteins" cartoon or watching her dad mow the lawn that she can't take a minute to actually go and sit on the toilet. It seems two of the areas we will be able to use Resolve carpet-cleaner to clean-up and two of the other times it was in the kitchen, so that could be cleaned up with paper towel. I just don't want the house to SMELL like we've been potty-training. There was a rather large accident on the non-cleanable rug today. I'm pretty sure it soaked into the pad underneath. Hoping that having the sliding doors and a window open will help it to dry out. Some people have nice smelling homes courtesy of Glade, Yankee candles, or perhaps Bath and Body Works. Some of my favorite scents include Eau de parfum by Calvin Klein. I'm hoping the title for our new scent will not be Eau de Urine by Grayson.

Relocation cleaning

At approximately 3:30 I receive a call from my husband confirming that his father and step-mom will be arriving in a couple hours to begin the weekend o' festivities for his birthday. At this point I am relieved because that means I do not have dinner responsibility other than eating and maybe a little clean-up. No preparing - YEAH!!! That means more playtime with the kids. However, I can only focus on one important task at a time and this week's task has been to prepare the back room which was formerly the computer/music/boxes-of-stuff-we-don't-want-to-deal with room to a room for our little girl. Which means that although I was home 3 days without children, I have not attended to housecleaning much, which means that our house was not "company ready". And although each husband and wife relationship is supposed to split the housework, we all know that it mainly falls on the female, so when it isn't complete (EVEN if it's not your area) it reflects on the female, NOT the male. And I hate looking bad, even though my parts of the house were pretty clean. I quickly did some dishes and stuffed the last 2 nights' plates in the dishwasher which meant I only had to figure out what to do with the bills and other paperwork items that I always have trouble controlling on the table. So......
I did it.
I am not proud, it was a means to an end. We needed a place to eat dinner.
Here is what I did. I may not be the queen of it, but I am probably a duchess or something. I picked stuff up from the kitchen table and side table, put the paperwork in to a giftbag and transported it to the backroom. I relocated the items to create an appearance of cleanliness. However, this presented another problem. It revealed the Christmas clothe I had put to cover the sidetable. I replaced a few items so that you could only see the plaid and NOT the holly! LOL. This quick displacement even left me time enough to sweep the floor and scour the brownie crumb that got mashed into the linoleum leaving a suspicious brown mark. Remember, when in doubt, ship it out!

You're such a mom!

Those are the words that one of my friends (who does not yet have children) said to me yesterday as we were preparing to go to see "Blades of Glory". Here is why; I was shoving a pair of socks into my jacket pocket in case my feet got cold in the theatre. Gone are the days of smuggled candy or beer, I was just trying to keep my toes warm. Because once my toes are cold, then so is the rest of my body. It's similar but not yet at the point of my own mom who would make us put on a sweater or jacket each time SHE was cold!
I haven't decided if it is an insult, I mean I'm not at the "Kleenex in the pocket" stage of momhood yet, but in some ways I am relishing it as a compliment. Think about ALL the great things your mom or you do for your kids each day? See, that's a compliment.