Heather @ Night

A few notes of thanks

2008-07-16T10:07:00.003-04:00

Dear Governor Easley and NC legislature,
Thanks for committing yourself to the future of our state and cutting $3 million dollars for gifted education. I don't have the numbers on how my salary WON'T be increasing, but I want to say thanks for that too.

Dear Husband,
Thanks for folding your towel and hanging it so it doesn't touch mine and make it all wet.

Dear bees nest,
Thank you for not stinging my children when they are out playing near you.

Dear children,
Thanks for all the giggles and hugs and silliness.

Dear God,
Thank you for my small group, playgroup, and family that continue to love me in spite of all my faults. I have learned so much from them. You are truly awesome. I know I have a lot more to learn, but thanks for your patience while I attempt to use your words to guide my life.

Same stuff, different summer

2008-07-16T09:57:00.003-04:00

I have this problem.

EVERY SUMMER.

It's like somehow my body knows it is July or something. I'm not sure if it is the change of temperature, less structure in my day, or the fact that I don't have to be up at 5:30a.m.,(probably that one!) but I can't sleep. It is quite frustrating. I mean, I don't even have any lessons to plan (which is one of my favorite things to do when I can't sleep! I get some of my best ideas!) and I really don't have much to worry about so I just lie there.....

in the dark.....

waiting....

to fall asleep....

It's quite frustrating because it causes another bad cycle - the need for a daytime nap. I REALLY don't want to become dependent on that because it's a hard one to break or carry on during on the school year. HA HA. I have just trained my brain to quietly shut off at 2 o'clock during the school year to simulate a nap.
Anyway, I'm stepping up the frequency and intensity of my exercise routines this week to see if it helps. I think I'll also use some of my massage gift certificate and see if I can't get some of the aches and pains in my bones and muscles worked out.
On the up-side - I do love seeing The Daily Show and the Colbert report in real time!

This is why I teach

2008-07-01T08:27:00.003-04:00

For those of you who haven't known me long, I am a middle school teacher. I have been for 15 years now. I can't say I love every minute of it, I mean it is a job and it is a LOT of work most of the time. This year I made a shift in my position. Out of the regular classroom and in to what is called a "facilitator's" role. I am supposed to help teacher's kick their lesson plans up a notch for the gifted children in the school who haven't been growing on the end of grade tests. It turned out to be a difficult adjustment and WAY more political than I knew education could be, but I made it through. At one of my darkest points this year I received the letter I will type below. God is amazing to know what I need and provide it at the right time. You see, I was thinking of leaving the profession. All teachers (at least here in NC) do. That is because they squeeze the ever-living life out of us to get the most of the tax dollars they pay us with. I knew when I entered the profession I would never be in the top socioeconomically - I didn't know that my kids would qualify for reduced lunch because of it!? What I'm trying to say is that teaching is quite a thankless profession and we often don't get to see or hear from the kids we taught about how they turned out, which is why we cherish things like I'm going to share below. Ultimately, I think we want to know that we made a difference in someone's life. And so please read, get a tissue if you are tender-hearted, and if you have children in school - write their teacher a nice note.

Mrs. B,
Hi, this is Chris W. You may remember me as a former student. It's hard to believe that here I am about to graduate, and I had your class in the eighth grade. I just wanted to say thank you for being a great teacher. I don't know if you realize the impact you made on my life. You did more than teach me Language Arts. You showed me a lot about life. I still remember sitting with you and talking about the Third Day and Mercy Me concerts. It was so cool to have a teacher that shared the same interests as me. I believe it was your unique style of teaching that made me enjoy your class the most. It was you who inspired me to become a teacher. I want to teach seventh grade Language Arts. Well, thank you so much for everything.
Chris W.

And on that note I will return to the classroom, hoping to impact other students the way I did Chris.

A shadow of myself

2008-06-26T15:29:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I must confess I feel lost in this life I'm living. I haven't figured out why. I speculate a few theories.(which I might go in to another day) They have to do with the mistrust and lack of guidance from my parents. I'm a motherless mother - attempting to do things differently from the way I was raised. It is definitely a challenge to guard all the words that come out of my mouth before they exit it. The legacy I want to carry on is not one of hurt but that of love. Quite a big accomplishment when I look at back at my childhood. What I'm leading up to is this feeling of being lost makes me feel like I'm a shadow of what I used to be, at least with the good qualities and hobbies I used to pursue. Perhaps those talents are just on hold while my children are little? But they too feel as if they are withering from the lack of sunshine and nourishment. I could make a list of the many things I used to do before I had kids that I enjoyed and no longer do. It seems like the person I was even 5 years ago is here, but only in the background. Somehow, becoming a mom consumed "me" and that's what makes me a shadow of myself.
In other news.... I made it through my first gym workout with my husband. What he doesn't know is how much I hate the gym, sweating, and exercise in general. I have a free 30 day membership. Only 29 more days.......He is just trying to help me achieve my goal mentioned in a previous post. Did I mention that I hate the gym?

My 39th summer

2008-06-25T14:02:00.003-04:00

WOW - that is a hard title to type! As I was walking with my good friend Allison today she said "So, how is your 39th summer going?" I gasped. Oh MY GOD! I am 39. I forget that A LOT. Not just because I have a 1.5 and a 3.5 year old and basically went without sleeping a solid night for about 2 years of my life. Sleep deprivation will do things to your mind - that's why they use it in war.
I know there are many things I have forgotten - mostly people/students names, some memories (which might be good especially if they are family related!). But, how on earth do I forget my age? I guess it is because the majority of people I converse, work, or spend time with are younger than me, and so it is easy for me to assume their age until there is an 80's reference. This happens with my husband A LOT. He is 6 years younger than me and so if a particular song comes on I'll say "Man, I remember roller skating to this" and he'll be like "I remember riding my tricycle to this!?"
I feel I should set some goals at this point. I have decided to share them with you. For example, I want to lose the last bit of Grant/nursing weight. That would be a good 15 pounds. My dream is to wear a size 8 again, but I'll be happy with a 10 which is 2 sizes smaller than I am now! This weight loss feels eminent. Like, if I don't do it NOW, then I won't ever lose it. To coin a phrase - it's now or never. To achieve this goal I have already started eating better and less ( I am guilty of stress and boredom eating) and exercising more. It is all about the math - less calories in = less calories to work off. Plus I feel better about myself when I am smaller because for 33 years I was petite. I can actually remember at one point in my life being put on a diet to gain weight!
Mostly, I don't feel 39. There are mornings like today where the whole left side of my body is aching. Maybe it has to do with the excess weight. But mostly I feel less than 39. Perhaps it is because I have small children, or I teach kids, but it just shocks me to hear that I am 39. I'm not sure where I was going with this, maybe it's because I am 39~!

Hey!

2008-06-24T16:01:00.002-04:00

Hey - how are you?! It's been over 4 months since I've typed. Things got worse for a while at work and then they got better. And now it is summer break. I went to a great workshop today. It's nice to be treated like the professional I feel I am. What have you been up to? I've got a bunch of things rolling around in my head to type about. Hope you will enjoy reading them, give feedback, or maybe think. I'll be back - hope you will too. :-)

SNOW DAY - take 2

2008-02-14T08:53:00.004-05:00

Indeed it is true. It wasn't even forecasted, but we got a good two inches last night! It fell in about an hour and a half. The roads are crazy icy, so we have what is called an "Optional Teacher Workday". Which means if you are old and have accumulated days (I earn 1.85 a month now) you can stay home or go in and keep your days to trade in when you want to retire. If you aren't old then you go. I would go, but I don't have any childcare and the one time I did try to take them to work and do something it was more stressful than not getting the work done. SO. We got another Saturday this week.(That's how I'm looking at it!) We had a nice breakfast. Played. Grant will go down for a nap in a while and then I will set to baking my birthday/Valentine's day cake.
I'm going to use the Red Velvet recipe I used to make the kids' birthday cupcakes. It is Paula Deen's and SO delicious. For some reason snow makes me feel like baking. And drinking hot chocolate. I might have to go make a cup shortly. Surprisingly, Grayson was only a little interested in playing in the snow. When she found out she could NOT wear her princess dress or just her birthday suit outside to play in the snow, she kind of changed her mind about going out and playing in it. It was very dry this morning before the sun came up. We couldn't even make snowballs to throw at one another! Greg just called to say it has melted enough to be good for making a snow man. I just don't know if we'll go outside. Grant doesn't have any boots, so as soon as he stepped in the snow his little shoes would get filled, and who wants to walk around with wet shoes and socks. Guaranteed to make your toes cold quickly. It would be fun to run out and make a snow angel however.
Oh, that's right. I've been meaning to tell you. There might be limited day time posting ( and reading) as I have not yet decided if I want to submit my blog address for review. You see they adjusted our filter at school and now I am not able to enter this site. I can submit it to be reviewed, but I'm not sure I want someone looking over my shoulder. So if my posts start to get sparse, you know it is because there is almost NO uninterrupted time in the evenings when I don't feel totally exhausted and can form a coherent sentence.
In other news.....my birthday was Tuesday. I am officially one year away from entering a new decade of life. I must say this somewhat bothers me. I mean I know the average life span of a woman is 80.1 years. Which means my life is almost half over. That is weird to type. You try it. Oh, that's right most all my readers are YOUNGER than me. You'll be here one day, don't worry. Grant just brought me some blocks. Time to go play.
Happy Valentine's Day. I'll post some pics later, and maybe my favorite LOVE poem.

And then Wednesday came!

2008-02-06T14:32:00.000-05:00

My job this year is quite different from what I have done the last 14 years. For the last 14 years I've been a regular classroom teacher - creating and executing life changing or at least memorable lessons, building relationships with students and staff, and excelling at both. So it is hard for me to set up criteria by which to gauge this year as far as being successful. I might have mentioned earlier that I have been placed in a highly unethical situation for the rest of the year. I have to do something simply because of who a child's step-dad is. I also have to spend a large amount of time (at least an hour and a half) daily preparing and executing this service (which started as a professional courtesy, but has gotten WAY out of hand) The amount of focus this service requires takes away from what my job is "supposed" to be. Needless to say, it bums me out. This is coupled with the fact that my job is only funded for this year. We were doing some investigating of the upcoming 5th grade population and it is about 40% of what it is this year - thereby giving more fuel to the "don't rehire" possibility. So on Saturday I found out a good friend got an administrative position and would be leaving her position similar to mine. It is called a curriculum facilitator. They are always funded. So I started thinking that maybe I could transfer to her position. And as I was thinking it came to me that the Board of Education has to approve transfers. THE BOARD. And then I realized it will never happen. That is because the unethical situation I mentioned earlier is a result of the President of the School Board. Yeah, he's the one who approves transfers, so if I transferred then the service would stop since it is his step child whom I serve. So, do you think I would be allowed to transfer. Probably not. I will have to find a job in another county. Which might not be such a bad thing because all the surrounding communities have higher pay than the one where I currently work. The poopy thing is that is will increase my travel time which will decrease my time with the kids.
So I was carrying all that poop with me today - thinking thoughts like - I don't care about the rest of the year. I'll do the least amount of work that is possible and comply and get out. And then......

Wednesday came.

Today is the day that I get to teach the smartest kids in the school. For a while I forgot that they were the reason I came here. Luckily today they reminded me with their wit and depth. Today we had meaningful conversation about why segragation should end, how the KKK really doesn't promote Christian values as its website suggests and why Jim Crow Laws were ridiculous.
Today we got to talk about the importance of being a good citizen to maintain our environment to reduce the disappearance of particular species due to their food chain being eliminated.
Today we got to create a video to help the incoming 5th graders.
Today we discovered that salt and baking soda really CAN embalm a chicken.
Thank GOD for Wednesday! I think I can make it until Friday now.

Good things come to those who wait!

2008-02-01T13:37:00.001-05:00

So, I FINALLY have a decent vacuum. Last Saturday I took the kids to Tar`get to kill some time while their dad was working a 14 hour day and I spotted it - $60 off. "It" was a Dyson vacuum. I had asked for one for Christmas and had not received it. (Shockingly, because the expense alone would have knocked out a year's worth of gifts!) Anywho, instead of impulse buying it, I did the right thing which was ask my conscience - I mean ask my husband because it was a $300 purchase and I remember how I felt when he purchased a new TV and surround sound system 4 years ago without consulting me. I still have about $100 left from my Christmas money and with my birthday coming in a little over a week(that will be a post for another day!) I'm sure to get some more so I would only have to use a little from our account. We talked on Sunday and I told him there were only 3 so I would go and see if there were any on Monday. Well our toaster oven stopped working Monday, so when I went to the store, they were out. I figured that it was a sign it wasn't my time. Yesterday luckily I mean unfortunately Grant ran out of diapers at daycare and thinking that Greg would be gone/working all weekend I would just run by and pick some up. I was in the store and decided to take a chance and see if there happened to be any that arrived - sure enough, there they sat, just waiting for me to put one in my cart. I could have done cartwheels I was so excited!!! I could have saved another $36 by applying for a Target red card making my little vacuum $100 off!!! But I didn't because I'm already over $20,000 in credit card debt and adding one more temptation would only deepen the hole.
Let me tell you - it runs like a dream. Even Greg wanted to use it!?! Grant took a turn pushing it. It's actually very quiet. We kept walking around saying (with your best British accent too)
"It doesn't loose suction!".
The most exciting part for me was the hose. You see about 14 years ago I sucked a "AA" battery up the hose of my vacuum when I was cleaning under and behind the couch. I got the vacuum fixed, but the hose never recovered.
I highly recommend it if you need a new vacuum. The soft whirr of the vacuum is inspiring - I might even do the car later. I think that will have to wait because Greg decided he wants to have our small group over for the Super Bowl on Sun. - so I get to use my new vacuum!

Behind the ball

2008-01-31T11:57:00.000-05:00

Behind the ball is a figure of speech that I find applies to my life more and more.(unfortunately!)
How is it that I used to stay on top of everything and now can barely stay on top of anything!
Is it because the amount of things I have to stay on top of has increased exponentially with adding 3 members to my family? I remember the days (fondly of course) when it was just my cat and I. Those were the days when I could lay something down, and then it would still be in the place I put it (unless it was shiny or made a crinkling sound and then they were Romeo's!)
EVERY day is such a struggle - just to get out the door to work and then once I get home to get dinner ready and spend some time with the kids and don't forget the hubby, he needs time too. It makes me wonder, do other people have to struggle this much? Should it be such a challenge for me to get something on the table for dinner, or maintain a semi-clean, clutter-free home? Will the whining, crying, and clinginess EVER end? Will there EVER be a time when I can say "Wow, that was easy?!" Nothing ever feels like it goes smoothly. It's all interrupted and chaotic despite my best efforts to create routines.
After further reflection I think everyone does have his or her own struggle. I continue to hope that the days of smooth and easy are ahead in my future. Those are the days where I might actually be able to stay awake past 9 p.m.! LOL.
Since I am always open to suggestions - I would love to hear from some of the moms who read about how they create calmness in their life or reduce the stress. Thanks in advance!

Two lefts don't make a right!

2008-01-22T13:25:00.000-05:00

So winter weather arrived again last week - and it has actually had the nerve to stay for more than a day! We had snow Saturday that has hung around and as they say in the South - Snow that waits is waiting for more snow!
Anyway, back to the REAL blog entry that coordinates with the title. It was cold and icy in the mornings which required us to scrape our car windows. I go out the first morning and start the cars and proceed to scrape. Something I hadn't done in a very long time. I reach in my right pocket which is the usual storage location for my gloves and there isn't anything in it. Strange I think to myself. Then a flashback hits me, I remember Grant was carrying my glove and I quickly grabbed it from him and stuck it somewhere so that I would have it for an exact situation as this. Alas it is morning and I am running late, so my brain could not process where that somewhere spot was that I stuck my glove. So I go to get the back up pair in the house in my room and realize that he had pillaged that set too - taking the right glove again. I had two left gloves, and no right. I simply stuck a left glove on my right hand and managed to remove the ice.
And so the title of this entry, no matter how hard I wanted my left gloves to work, they couldn't make a right one. I continued to search and found both right gloves. Luckily I also received a new pair of gloves for Christmas which I was able to utilize on the next really cold morning.
Later today I travel to the doctor for my yearly gyno. check up ( down there! ). Good times!
At least I have 3 complete sets of gloves. I even thought about purchasing a new pair yesterday - or opening a shop that sells single gloves!

What to do, what to do

2008-01-16T15:59:00.000-05:00

So, it's been another fun week at our house. We have a stomach bug and I have spent virtually NO time at school right before the close of the semester. I have paid for full daycare tuition, and now my husband and I are trading taking half days without pay to stay home with sick kids. BLAH. They have " the rea" (as a child I was a nanny to used to call it!) Grant has been loose since Sun. YIKES. Now I am just waiting to see if I get it. On to more exciting news.....

We might have a snow day tomorrow!!!!!! Living in the Piedmont of North Carolina creates interesting weather patterns. In fact, weather is one of my favorite things to teach! SOOOO, there is this cool thing called the Appalachian wedge. (excuse me, but here in NC the A word is pronounced Ah-puh-lah-chen). That is when a front of moisture moves up from the South and meets a cold front that has gotten stuck and trapped by the mountains. The result of this mixture is - SNOW. Thick and wet snow!!!! We have not had a measurable snow since Grayson was born - she is 3! The other thing that can happen is if the air isn't cold enough, then you get ice. I'm hoping it is snow and not ice tomorrow morning!!!

My favorite Snow day memory occurred when I was in college. I went to Western Michigan University in scenic Kalamazoo Michigan (yes, there really is a place called that!) It was close to the end of my academic career. In fact, I was student teaching. The other thing that you might not know is that since it can snow almost daily in Michigan, there aren't many snow days. That might be why this one sticks out. It involved a hill, two kids I babysat and my best friend - whom I was living with and presently miss very much - and her name is the same as mine. We had SO much fun sledding. I can only remember one other time having that much fun sledding and that was at my Grandparents house WAY up almost to the upper peninsula in Michigan and I lived there for 10 years. There were many snow forts, caves, and snow football games as well as outdoor skating!!! but back to the memory at hand....
I think we spent at least half the day outside sledding in different areas around the neighborhood. One was a hill at a Junior High near us. Another was near some tennis courts. You see, we lived half way up a hill, so any direction we went was down! I remember not minding the cold and knowing that this was a day I would always remember.
I wish I could remember more details, but I am old, and stressed, and sleep deprived! So, think of a really good time in the snow and then add my face. Perhaps my best friend will comment since I know she frequents the blog and share her memory.
I used to have such a good mind.....

The SDD

2008-01-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

For a while now I have been contemplating an invention. I feel there would be enough support from families that it could help simplify hours of searching or days of waiting.

The device's name - the S D D for short or the Sippy Detection Device for long.

Yes the sippy cup detection device will help coral all those lost and wayward sippy cups filled with milk that can't find their way back to your toddler or the refrigerator.

We seem to have this problem where the sippy cup gets filled and carried to some part of the house - which is way better I guess than an open cup spilled?! Maybe?! Instead our sippy cups head out of the kitchen and sometimes living room for what is supposed to be a 3 hour tour and wind up stranded on some island. For example, this week. I KNOW I washed like 8 sippy cups on Monday so they were all in the kitchen. I filled 2 with milk. Only 1 could be found at dinner time. Each day I looked in closets, under the couch, in the toy box, etc. scouring the house for the lost (and hopefully not full of milk!) sippy. Sometimes this can happen two or three times in a day if dear old dad is around. So what do you think? What I see is something similar to "the Clapper". In fact it reminds me of a device that my friend Eric had on his keys. He kept misplacing his keys, so someone got him this thing which he attached to his key chain. Then, whenever he forgot where they were he just clapped loudly and if the keys were within reach of the clapping sound they emitted this horrible signal letting him know where he left them. He could then easily follow the ear-shattering signal to the location of his keys.
That is what I picture for the Sippy cup Detection Device. I'm serious about the amount of time I spend searching for these things. No amount of encouraging will get the sippy's back home. Sigh.
What do you think? Is it marketable?

Need a snowday?

2008-01-11T08:02:00.000-05:00

Hello friends.
It has been 11 days since my last blog post. I have blogged a little in my brain - sorry there isn't a piece of technology for you to use and get to see that!
Anyway, I was searching online the other day for something to do with my math group of kids on symmetry and I found this.
I find it very soothing. I might even link it to my blog I like it so much. Maybe you will share your designs with me?!
I'll try to blog more this weekend, but the dealership is moving in to its new home, so that means a lot of home time with mommy and not much daddy at home time which means not much time for mommy on the computer. I'll have to think of a mathematical way to express that! Or perhaps you can.

What are you doing New Year's?

2007-12-31T15:35:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite tunes is the title for my post. If you haven't heard it, you should check out Harry Connick Jr. or Ella Fitzgerald's versions. I love it because it is somber, yet hopeful. It's dreamy and sexy. I've always dreamed of a guy playing it for me and asking me out for New Year's. That hasn't happened yet.......in fact as I reflect my New Year's Eves have drastically changed in the last 16 years.
There was the New Year's Eve in college where I sprained my ankle on the way IN to the party and had to be on crutches (in the snow and ice no less!) for evah.
There was another New Year's Eve in college when I came home with a friend and so didn't have "our car" (that would be the car that my brother and I shared) and had to borrow my parents' vehicle. As I was preparing to depart my mom said "Be home at 11:30". I was exasperated! Here I had been making my own decisions and living on my own for at least 3 years and she was telling me to be home before the all important kissing moment! I stomped in to the living room and asked my dad if he needed the car at 11:30 and that was why I needed to be home. He said no and so I asked my mom if she planned on going out at 11:30 and needed the car. Of course she wasn't and I now understand since I am a mom that she just didn't want me out on the roads at a dangerous time of night.
There were numerous drunken New Year's Eves because I LOVE champagne!!! There has always been good food and plenty of it. I spent one New Year's in Chicago with my best friend and her now ex-husband.
New Year's now that I have 2 kids who have only recently started sleeping through the night is quite different than those memories. We've had fondue on a few occasions with my husband's brother and sister in law. We've also gone out to restaurants a few times with friends from church. Those were good times.
It used to be so easy to stay up until midnight. Now I'm thinking of having 'midnight' happen at 8 right before our kids go to bed so they can participate on the horns and kissing. They won't get to see the ball or the Acorn drop (that's what they drop in Raleigh NC) but I think it would be fun. Dh got some horns and fun hats to wear.
So as with most posts my point comes at the end. And it is that my life continues to evolve.
So, what are you doing New Year's?

A sigh of relief

2007-12-26T12:44:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh. We made it. The hustle and bustle of the holidays has officially dropped by at least 50%. I am ready to pack the stuff up and get it back in the attic. I've never felt like that before. Maybe it is because we started early this year. I usually like to take the tree down New Year's day, but I think I will start removing ornaments today. We STILL have presents to open thanks to dh's big family. Every year we are amazed at how much they give us and every year we are overwhelmed. And now that all of the anticipation is over, on comes the let down. I've been feeling for a lack of a better word down. I know it has to do with the time of year. I like it warm and sunny, now is *supposed to be* the rainy, gray time of year. So I don't get to enjoy the sun as much and it effects this former California girl. I think it also has to do with this time of year being so connected to family and events with family. It's like a slap in the face or maybe a subtle jab that no one will be calling from my side of the family on the holiday to wish us anything. I should be used to it by now, but for some reason I have this naive side to me that hopes every year will be different. And then it is not. I did get one call from may Aunt. Thank god for her and her kind words reassuring me that everything that has happened in my family is not my fault as they want me to believe. That I am a good, loving, successful mother and teacher who makes her proud even if I don't make my parents proud. I really value her opinion. She and I have similar personalities and have always been close in heart even though we are not in miles. She said she wished she could be the mother to me that my heart needs and that is exactly what I needed to hear. She helped me see that I have to let the relationship with my parents go and that it is not going against anything in the Bible to do that because I have tried to make amends with them. However, I think I haven't forgiven them and that is something I will have to work on this year. So for now I am a motherless daughter attempting to raise her own child in a manner to which I am not accustomed. Which is scary territory. I need a mentor in this area, so if you pray, would you pray that God would bring someone in to my life to fill that position? Also pray for financial wisdom because we are seriously struggling and getting a second job just ain't going to make up the short fall.
So, this isn't exactly what I started out writing when I sat down, but it was on my heart and I needed to get it out. Feel free to share thoughts and advice. You could be my virtual sounding board. I like the sound of that.

Rashes, dry skin, and hives - Oh My!

2007-12-22T20:54:00.000-05:00

Another hurrendous week teedled by and thankfully I am on what is known as a "break". We might have to debate whether I am actually doing what dictionary.com says a break is on another post; "An allowance or indulgence; accommodating treatment". Hmmmm. Anywho on to what this blog was REALLY supposed to be about.
I noticed on Thursday that Grayson had a reddish colored patch of skin on her left hand. Still haven't figured out where it came from. Then today, the little buddy incurs some hives. Once again, don't know where those came from. And finally since it has turned to winter here (just for a few days - it will be back to 65 tomorrow!) we all seem to have the itchies. So dh went and bought a nice new big old humidifier. It is super quiet which I like. Now maybe I won't wake up feeling like I slept in the desert and inhaled most of it through my mouth. That's a nice picture isn't it?!
I have decided to monitor both kids' situations. I've applied Aveeno lotion to Grayson's hand and it seems a little better. The little buddy just got a round of ibuprofen because the rash from the antibiotic on his little hiney seems to be getting bad again and I think he might be teething. His gums look they might have some square raised puffy spots.
It's Saturday night. The kids are asleep and dh went to the bar to watch the Panthers lose. It is weird to be here all alone. Not sure what I will do. Maybe watch a movie? Take a bath?
Probably just go fall asleep in bed reading. Yeah, I think I hear the flannel sheets calling me now.

Rules of Christmas from a Toddler

2007-12-14T14:52:00.000-05:00

This is the first year that my oldest child is able to comprehend the holiday season. We have lights outside that she helped put up and she turns them on each night when we get home. We have a song from "Santa" that she loves to play over and over and each night we do read about how Jesus was born and that we are celebrating his birthday soon.
One of my favorite things to do this season has been to drive around the neighborhoods each night for about 15 - 20 minutes and view lights. Last Friday night we spent a good 45 minutes patrolling. It was great. We had Christmas music on in the car and stopped for an Eggnog milkshake to top off the event. Even my husband said it was fun!
However, through all of this I am noticing some funny things that I am calling the Rules of Christmas - from her point of view. I will add to this list as I think of more.
1) ALL lighted reindeer are Rudolph.
2) Eggnog is an acceptable substitute for milk at dinner.
3) There is only one verse of Rudolph that matters and you must sing it over and over and over. "Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say...."
4) Santa hats make interesting slippers.
5) All presents will be for Grayson!

I'd love to hear what other toddlers are thinking this year.

Soooooooo

2007-12-13T14:52:00.000-05:00

Long time no type. Thank you to those who stop by regularly expecting something new. I can sum up the last 6 weeks since I've written in one word.

Sick.

That's right. It's been one bug or another. I was trying to think of how I could put it in a festive holiday-type song. Here is a tidbit:
5 office copays
4 ear infections
3 different viruses
2 antibiotics
1 worn-out mother. (that would be me)

I won't go in to all the gory details but I have 1 official sick day left. That's it. Then we go in the hole (MORE!) each time I stay out. And they have had fevers - high ones. Not the kind that leave after 24 hours.

I also had a blogging identity crisis. I thought perhaps I shouldn't be writing about what I was writing about and then if I wasn't what would I write about?! Like, do you really want to hear about how I grapple with how to handle the holidays without speaking with my parents? How I can't figure out how to honor their request and honor God's command at the same time? Or how my MIL drives me crazy although she is well intentioned? Or how I get so angry at my inept husband that I long for the single days except I wouldn't have my sweet pea children? Or how proud I am that my daughter hit a boy who spit on her but I had to give her consequences since hitting isn't the best response? Or how I just can't seem to shine at anything since I feel so overloaded and don't have anyone to help?

And then. It's the holidays. There are so many years of negative stuff that have happened around this time of year for me that I tend to just withdraw. And for that I say I'm sorry.

Got any ideas for me on the identity thing? Or advice on the relationship thing?
So - enough about me. What's been going on with you?

When's it due?

2007-11-06T13:55:00.000-05:00

Apparently my loose fitting clothing is giving people who haven't known me before this year the WRONG impression - one that I am with child.
Now, I thought the first time I would let it pass. I was wearing a dress and my tummy did feel a little more jiggly than usual, so I guess one could assume I am of childbearing age and possibly carrying one.
Then, again, I was asked. This time I could not ignore that I must still look pregnant even though I delivered almost one year ago. I was dumbfounded both times and could not figure out what to say. Here are a few thoughts:

Mind your own business
I just miscarried
Dec. 1........2006 (which was really his due date)

What are your ideas on how to respond?
I guess I'm taking it as reminders to stop eating so much junk and exercise more. Although it does hurt my feelings.
I told my husband because when we married I was a size 6. I have kept just a few items when I was cleaning out the closet before we moved to remind me how small I used to be. I am now not a size 6. I am a 12 on a good day. Does that mean that I am twice as large?
I haven't actually measured myself nor do we have a scale for me to go by. I do know that the clothes I bought to wear when I went back to work after having Grant seem to be a little tight. Which means that I have GAINED weight since January.
Perhaps this is hard for me because I have been small all my life and have always been able to eat whatever I want. I did not gain much weight with either of my pregnancies - 23 pounds with Grayson and 18 with Grant.
I have always known that if I did gain too much weight I would have a hard time losing it.
And that seems to be holding true. Which is why I get asked - when's it due?

Quiet = bad

2007-11-04T20:34:00.001-05:00

Since I will be spending larger amounts of time in math(courtesy o' my principal) my brain is thinking in different ways. What was once a twisted trail (ah, yes, alliteration) of words is now *sometimes* straight-forward and logical. Go figure! (no pun intended)

The new equation is: Quiet = bad.

This applies to children. I especially think it applies to those children under the age of 5. This weekend my husband and I both had many tasks which we needed to complete. I will tell you on a regular weekend when this happens it usually works out that we talk about what needs to get done and then I watch the kids after he returns from work so that he can do what is on his list. Never is the childwatching returned so that I may work on my list accomplished. I have to fight my way through one-handed to finish anything. Most things get started, and are then interrupted by little people who can't go to the bathroom by themselves or feed themselves. I digress.....back to Quiet = bad.

I guess the severe lack of uninterrupted sleep has caused my mother's intuition to be defunct because normally I can ward off some evil. Not this weekend.
will be by with her white glove. Grayson has gotten particularly good at going to the bathroom when she needs to. She doesn't tell us, just heads to the bathroom. This makes me oh-so happy to not have to change or spend money on diapers. She still has a few things to work on, such as wiping and washing hands afterword, but the pee-pee is in the potty 99% of the time. It is because of this that I did not suspect anything. I had a million things on my list I needed to do because next weekend is the family birthday party for my little people and super-perfect SMIL will be around with the white glove. ANYWHO, Grayson entered the bathroom and I got busy in various parts of the house and then realized

it's quiet.

Oh NO - TOO LATE. The first time it happened she had gotten in to her new Princess toothpaste -("Mommy it comes out like a heart") and had sucked a good portion straight out of the tube in addition to smearing a heavy dose on the bathroom counter because "It needed to brush its teeth too". When dh saw it and was amused, I told him he could clean it up if he thought it was so funny.
The next incident occurred during the hurried dinner making fiasco time.
ONCE AGAIN under the guise of going to the bathroom she disappears. In the meantime I am checking peas, listening for timers to go off, and then

it's quiet.

OH CRAP not again! She had emptied these shaped soap flakes; a few in the tub, the rest on the floor and her brother was scurrying to taste them.

So remember, in the future, if you are a new parent, a parent to be, or not yet a parent.

Quiet = bad. It could save you unnecessary cleaning up.

In case you haven't tried it....

2007-11-04T07:29:00.001-05:00

Sierra Mist has cranberry splash back - you know, just in time for the holidays. I remember seeing it advertised and not being able to find it last year. Well, just like with the orange-filled oreos for Halloween, one must strike early. Dh found this in the store and brought some home.(NOT DIET! this was the only picture I could find) It was delightful and as Grayson would say de-wicious. Pick some up if you can. The cranberry is not overpowering. Just a splash as its title would suggest.

Some things they just don't understand

2007-11-04T07:19:00.000-05:00

For example - daylight savings time. Or is that what we just ended? I never can keep it straight. I just know to fall back in the Fall and spring forward in the Spring.
Anywho. Although we kept the little people up an hour or so later last night, their internal clocks have not yet adjusted leaving us(oops I mean me, dh is still sleeping) up at their "normal" time which was one hour earlier today. Hopefully, I'll get a nap later. (Yeah right with football on?!)

My principal + a problem = solution (me)

2007-11-02T22:31:00.000-04:00

My once seemingly well-balanced plate at work has simply runneth over this past week. I don't think I've explained my job as it is a new position and we are somewhat ironing out the kinks while I work. I am a certified ( and certifiable!!) Middle School teacher. I have 4 areas of certification which one might say is overzealous.(yes, English is one of the areas) Someone else might say it is smart because that means I will never be out of a job. ( come on, I live in NC, we're CONSTANTLY short teachers - why do you think I moved here?!?!) But a third person could say is stupid to have that many areas because that means you will be switched every year.....which I mostly am, but I digress.
This year I get a fancy title - AIG facilitator. And since education is noted for its acronyms I will tell you that AIG = Academically/Intellectually Gifted.
That's right. As I comprehend from my interview last April I am to assist with the program AND (here comes my favorite part!) I get to teach WHATEVER I WANT!!!! That's right. Every Wednesday the top 5% of the school comes to my room to be "enriched". These kids are amazing. It makes my week. I don't feel worthy to teach them.
SO back to the story at hand (which is getting quite lengthy I might add). Besides teaching the STARS ( Students That Are Really Smart ) on Wednesdays I am supposed to be able to assist teachers by planning and/or executing lessons for the classes that they have AIG kids in. I was making my own schedule for the most part and coordinating with the 3 grade levels of teachers.
It appears my "services" are needed now in whatever classroom they receive the most parent complaints from. Doesn't matter if there are AIG kids in the room or not. Not that I have to exclusively ONLY teach gifted kids. I have taught all levels of students up until this year, so it is no skin off my nose. The problem was that by being in these other classes I was not able to "my work" which includes maintaining accurate files (close to 225) and I had a big report due yesterday.
I am being ping-ponged between two main classes - 6th grade math and 8th grade English. The 8th graders' teacher is on maternity leave and they need to be ready for Honors Freshman English next year. Having a substitute who just writes the assignments on the board will not do it. The 6th grade teacher is entering teaching from another position. This is his first ever teaching gig. Teaching my friends is not for the faint-hearted. This gentleman is mathematically sound, but has not refined his discipline or teaching techniques because this is his first teaching gig. Which is where I enter the picture. I thought I had raised him up enough in the six weeks I was going in there so I exited to handle the English because the two class times clash. However in the 2 weeks I was out of math the parents raised enough of a stink that I am now back in math

for the whole year.

My principal and I had a chat after I visited the director of Gifted Services for our county and attempted to set up a schedule.
My principal explained that this (probably meaning the parents who were complaining) is problem. While there were other solutions such as changing students' schedules he was not willing to do that. Which means that I am his solution ( which is what I said to him). SO the new math is
principal + problem = solution (me)

The other facilitators at my school are aware of the problem and so we joke that if they have any problems, I might be able to solve them since I am the solution.
Just let me know if you have any problems, I might be the solution to them too.

Only a man

2007-11-02T22:01:00.000-04:00

The leaves are finally changing colors here in the Southeast. This requires men to pull out the heavy artillery - jet pack leaf blowers. I was somewhat startled by the sudden whirr outside my classroom window today, so I leapt to the window to see the custodian
with his jet-pack leaf blower on
blowing
one
leaf
all
the
way
down
the
covered
walkway.
And thus the title of tonight's post.

Lunch is not the same

2007-10-25T12:32:00.000-04:00

After almost 2 months of school I have come to the conclusion that lunch is not the same without Oreo cookies. I have sampled other cookies just to give them a fighting chance, but truly lunch is not the same. I bought Chips aHoy when they were on sale, but as soon as I could, I purchased some Oreos leaving the previous cookies in the pantry for anyone to eat. I think the family probably thought I was being nice. You see, I don't like to share two things. One is ice cream and the other is Oreos. In fact, I have various hiding places to conceal this luscious treat just for myself. I'm not going to post them because on the off chance my husband takes the time to read this, then I will no longer have Oreos for myself. A week or so ago I lucked up and found some of the Halloween oreos with orange icing. My husband found the hidden location of said Oreos, ate more than his fair share and then demanded I purchase more. I searched 4 stores for more, alas, we are doomed to traditional double stuff.
My affair with Oreos is a long one. My dad used to eat his for breakfast. I just realized that my mom used to hide them from me, and maybe that is why I do the same now! I like to make up desserts using my beloved cookie. My favorite involves ice cream, hot fudge, and Cool Whip. I didn't say it was healthy!
Not even the blonde oreos would do. While still an Oreo, it is the chocolate cream combination I crave. There's nothing like it. I might even trade a homemade chocolate chip cookie for an Oreo. It's milk's favorite cookie and it's mine too.

More weird things about me

2007-10-24T21:19:00.000-04:00

After the success of last weeks' weird things about me post, I found out I wasn't so weird! In fact, who would have thought that more people don't like to breathe other people's breath while they are sleeping? Here are a few more tantalizing tidbits:
1) I like to eat all of one food on my plate before I start another.
2) I don't like the different foods on my plate to touch.
3) I like to cook or bake, but don't like to do the dishes. I also like to eat what I've made and critique it for how I would fix it the next time.
4) I like a little bit of butter underneath the peanut butter on my PB & J sandwich. This one comes from my Grandma. She said it helps to keep the sandwich from sticking to the top of your mouth.
5) I only shave my legs if I'm going to the doctor, or it is time to wear tights. I have very blonde leg hair and you can barely see it because it is so fine.
6) I hate/ can't shave my legs in the shower, I have to do it in the bathtub because I'm a perfectionist.

Can't wait to hear the comments from this week's installment.

From bad to worse

2007-10-22T21:03:00.000-04:00

So we started the day sleep deprived and grumpy and we are ending it well, sleep deprived, grumpy, and lacking daycare. That's right I arrived to be told that we have two weeks for something miraculous to happen and our name to come up on one of the many lists that we have been on for years. What hurts a little more is that we have been friends with this person and she is aware of the fact that we don't have family nearby. I could go in to more detail about how we have paid her in full and appreciated her when no one else was and this is how we are repaid!?
Hope the rest of the week isn't this bad! Sheesh.

A Case of the Mondays

2007-10-22T08:37:00.000-04:00

Some of you may be familiar with this line from one of my favorite movies "Office Space". In case you have been sleeping under a rock and haven't seen this movie here is a quick explanation. The co-workers in the office repeat that line over and over to a particular worker because of his behavior on Monday. It becomes irritating because he doesn't feel like anything is wrong. However, it applies today because we just TOTALLY got off to a bad start.
I awoke suddenly at 3:30ish because I heard Grant crying. I figured he was probably cold and hungry. He didn't eat very much dinner and wouldn't keep the blanket on when I tried to put one on him. He was NOT going back to sleep after he ate on one side, so I switched him to the other hoping to hear those sweet little breath sounds change to slow ones which means he is asleep and I can lay him back in the crib. At about 4 his sister wakes up crying - after a record 17 days without an accident, she wet the bed. Greg pops his head in Grant's room and says she will need dry jammies. (Her dresser is in the closet of his room because I got tired of her pulling all her clothes out of the drawers and leaving them on the floor when it was in her room). Grant thinks this means it is time to play, but is heartbroken when I return him to his crib. I go next door to help take care of the pee-pee situation since daddy doesn't know where anything is.(like dry sheets, etc.) I start rocking her while he attempts to mop up the effected area on the bed. After 20 or more minutes of work we decide to make her a bed on the floor to finish the night out. It is now just about 5 a.m. when I return to sleep or rather bed because it was too long to be up and I have a hard time going to sleep.
This time that we were awake affected the kids too. Not only did WE not want to get up (ya know, the responsible adults, HA!) They didn't want to get up, Grayson couldn't make the simplest decision and changed her mind 20 times about shoes,pocketbook, and breakfast.
Needless to say this caused me to be 20 minutes late for work and have a case of the Mondays. Maybe if I could go to Chotchskies and get a cup of coffee my day would be better? Or perhaps I could beat the printer with a baseball bat? I definitely don't have enough flair. I do have a meeting later, but not with the Bob's. Anyway, that was a bunch of references to the movie. You should really see it if you haven't. I bet watching it would help my case of the Mondays!

An artist at work

2007-10-21T21:47:00.000-04:00

In addition to the picnic, swinging, and wagon ride, Grayson wanted to paint the sidewalk. We changed her clothes in to something that it didn't matter if the paint stained and set to work. I'm not exactly sure what these are, but here they are.

BEE-utiful day

2007-10-20T15:28:00.000-04:00

Grayson is in love with her Halloween costume. She likes it so much, she wouldn't even let me clip the price tag off! Not only that, it has been a beautiful day. We've gone for a wagon ride, had a picnic, swung on the swings and will head to a Fall Festival with jumping things to wear out energetic almost three year olds at a local church.
In addition to it being bee-utiful, the boy turned 11 months on Thursday and so I must show you his big boy look.
Such a happy boy! I forgot to mention that the Fall Festival is free and I got some good shots of Grayson painting the driveway and herself that I will have to post for you l8tr! Man, every time I see how big his noggin is, I am almost thankful I had a c-section!

Dry Spell Over!!

2007-10-19T13:07:00.000-04:00

I imagine that is what the newspapers will say. You see for the first time in about 6 weeks we had measurable rain! I was actually excited about it. I rushed out of the bathroom and awoke my snoring husband to share the good news. ALL our plants look sooo sad. And while I was preparing for my day in the bathroom I started thinking about how my life has dry spells too. (I'm sure my husband thinks of our sex dry spell almost daily!Doh!Poor fella.)
I'm kind of in a spiritual dry spell. It's very hard for me to get motivated to rush and dress the family and then get buckled in the car, and then unbuckle and attempt to carry Grant with one arm while carrying the diaper bag, my pocketbook, and hopefully Grayson's hand through the parking lot and down the long hall to the nursery. Once the children are settled I attempt to worship while waiting on pins and needles until my number comes up indicating it is time for me to assist the nursery with my crying/upset son. This usually occurs right as the message is about to start causing me to miss it or right near the end so I miss the final points. Also, tonight is Bible study. I don't even know where the book is, so how could I read to be prepared? It's a couples Bible study, so we're supposed to be "sharing" the book. I can just tell you that ain't happening. Is it ironic that the book is about being closer to God and yet I feel more distant than ever? I know it is my own doing, I just don't know how to un-do it.
I read on one of the many church signposts that I travel by each day this saying:
"Pray for rain and then carry an umbrella."

I'm still trying to figure that one out in relation to my life. What do you think it means?

Grant's First Haircut

2007-10-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

After daycare called yesterday afternoon to say that she would be closed again today (this is costing me $100 a day by the way!) I decided it was time for drastic measures. I have always loved little boys with those soft buzz-cut heads and so I thought when Grant turned one (which I don't know why the rule is to not cut their hair until they are one anyway - who made this rule and why am I expected to follow it?!) I would get him a little buzz. Well, the sitter's doctor recommended we do it.
So we did.
She also suggested that we get our kids on this powerful medication that helps them to resist the lice. I am not going that far. I believe I did a thorough treatment the first time and just did one yesterday to humor her. ANYWAY, I digress (what would my blog be without some of those?!?)
So the hairstylist called at about 3 to say she had a cancellation at 4:15 and was I interested? Heck ya! So we got both kids hair cut. Now that it is over, I can't help but miss his hair. I mean it is only hair and it will grow back, but I still miss how he used to wake up with "horns" because it was sticking up. Yeah, it will grow back. I also can't help but feel he looks a little like a cancer patient. It makes me sad. But, it will grow back right? He's a little cranky today. I don't blame him. Here are a few pictures to commemorate the event.
Before:
That's chocolate juice dripping off his mouth.
This next one makes me flash to the future if he should join the Armed Services.

And the final outcome:
And now, just so his sister has equal blog-time (which I noticed she did not have any pictures!) Here is one that makes me laugh because the delay on the camera is just long enough that instead of catching her standing on the stool and being told to get down, it caught her falling.
And last but not least, her new jammies and hair.
She matches her wall!

I'm gonna get you sucka

2007-10-16T14:27:00.000-04:00

So I guess I must have SUCKER tattoed on my forehead. I have a gut feeling about things. For example over the summer when I lost my job and then they found money and reinstated me. I had a gut feeling it would work out. But last night's gut feeling was that this is wrong.
Going back to my beliefs as a Christian, I think everyone deserves a second chance. And that we should help other people. Okay now that you know two of my basic philosophies I'll tell the rest of the story ( as Paul Harvey would say ).
I was approached in the driveway by a guy that I recognized as living in my neighborhood. Usually he is pushing a mower and offering to mow yards, but since we haven't had any measurable rain in 2 months, nobody needs their yard mowed. (Not that we ever allowed him. He's also tried to get gas for his mower from us and I had to be rude to get him to leave, but still he returns.) SO I guess he was trying to cook up a different way to get some cash. He and his "nephew" aka a young school age kid were working the neighborhood trying to "raise money" for the local school fundraiser. I have been with this system 10 years and know that for 2 of the schools I've worked at checks for fundraisers were made out directly to the PTO. This guy wanted me to make it out the boy for $3 more than the item I was buying and I would get the difference a week from Fri. when he delivered my product. So my gut was telling me - NO WAY. But then my head starts in telling me "Maybe the school has to cover a lot of bounced checks and they add the cost to make sure it clears." Well, I should have gone with my gut. I called the school this morning. Then I called the bank and put a stop payment on the check. Now I will be religiously checking the account online to make sure he isn't check washing or doing something else with our little bit of savings.
If I could just say NO then this would not be a problem. Is this a reminder not to trust people or that I need to be stronger? Some day I'll learn.

They're baaaaack!

2007-10-15T21:03:00.000-04:00

The lice that is. Did I tell you Grayson had a big bad case of it about a month ago and I had to stay home like almost 3 weeks ago and treat her head with petroleum jelly because it hadn't been 10 days and we couldn't use the chemical one again? Forgive me if I left out those details,on to the story at hand.......I picked my sweet baby boy up this afternoon and noticed something black on his head. I scratch at it and it moves. UGH!!!!! So I do a little more searching. :-( There were more little "friends".
He doesn't have it real bad, but the nits are smaller than the comb and he is WAY more wiggly than his sister. How my mother kept us from getting this is beyond me. And both of the daycare providers' girls seem to have it. She's taking them to the dr. and then stripping the house tomorrow. Which means I have an added day off with the kids and will be checking/treating Grayson and doing a multitude of laundry. Fun times......

Dear....

2007-10-15T13:29:00.000-04:00

Dear highway,
We would like to thank you for the wonderful commerce you have brought our county. However, we were wondering if you had to do it so loudly?! Our house is over 1 mile from you and we can still hear your heavy traffic at all hours of the night. I wonder what it will be like when the leaves are off the trees? I'm sure the birds and other animals don't appreciate your noise either.
We know the rumble strips along the edge are supposed to assist drowsy drivers, however we find this too annoying.
Can we reach a compromise?

Dear back-yard neighbor,
Hi, it's us, the family with loud little kids. We just wanted to tell you that the super-bright floodlights you have on either because you were taking out the trash or want to protect your property are in fact annoying the hell out of us. You might have noticed some lovely furniture we purchased over the summer on our patio? In fact now that the nights are cooler we would like to utilize it for some adult conversation, but when we have to squint to talk to one another it really kills the mood. Could we have a "lights out" policy from say 9 p.m. until 6 a.m.? You see it also shines on the bedrooms and little kids think it is time to wake up when they see light. Thanks for your courteous light usage.
The fam

Weird things about me

2007-10-15T13:17:00.000-04:00

There are probably too many to list, but here is a start.
1) I HATE to pay full price for ice cream,toilet paper, paper towels, or washing powder.
2) I do not like to sleep with my face facing someone ( that would be my husband ) so that I breathe or inhale his exhalation.
3) I like a thin layer of butter underneath my peanut butter on mt PB & J's.
4) I lived in Northern Cal. from my 5th birthday until I was almost 13. Maybe that's why I am weird?!
5) Except for one year about 12 years ago, I have only used Macintosh/Apple computers. I heart them.

What's weird about you?

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

2007-10-14T21:08:00.000-04:00

So we had a great day. It started off kind of rough because we couldn't decide what we wanted for breakfast (uh hem I mean daddy couldn't decide) so it was 10 o'clock and 1 trip to the grocery store later before we ate. Then we played on the swingset ( note to self, upload some pics of the new swingset). Grant took a nap and then we were off.
On the way to the family reunion yesterday we saw a sign for a pumpkin patch. Being the Halloween aficionado that he is dh spied it and made note. We travel out in the country (lazily I might add) with the windows down, babies in the backseat chatting to one another admiring horseys, looking for cows and any other livestock. We reach the corner where we saw the big sign posted and look for directions, but it says "Oct. 15 - Nov.1". Oh MAN! We decided to drive the 5 miles up the country road just to see what we could see. We arrive and dh hops out of the car excitedly to go see if they will at least let us take some pictures, but they say they are ready. Out of the car we go. We were greeted by this.
Surprisingly, Grayson was not afraid. She's been talking a lot about spiders and being scared lately. Then it was time to set out and find the perfect pumpkin.
There were plenty to choose from, which is probably why it took so long. Grayson started with the little-ish ones.
p.s. her shirt reads "Ghoul power". we love a play on words!!!!
Grant kind of liked the bigger ones. (p.s. he started walking unassisted Monday!)
They had some cute photo op places set up, so mommy went a little crazy and was taking so many pictures you would have thought she was a from daddy's side of the family.
Me-ow. Here's the Grantster. Don'tcha know he's my little pumpkin!
We concluded our time by taking the long way home by way of Cook Out for some shakes and snacks. Grayson fell asleep in the car and did not want to go back to sleep before the birthday party this afternoon.
All in all a good day.

To dream, to sleep

2007-10-10T21:32:00.000-04:00

Remember how night time is supposed to be for sleep? Well, at our house it is mostly just a battle of wits. So far, I think the adults are losing. I understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I have trouble thinking of simple words some days. It's getting to be ridiculous. But that is not really what this blog was supposed to be about. This blog is supposed to be about how I miss dreaming. I have always had an elaborate imagination - which can be really bad when you are a mom and tend to lean to the pessimistic side so I envision mostly dramatically tragic things happening to her. The other thing about the dreams was I could always recall the details very well. Now, I think I don't get to stay asleep long enough without interruption to get to the dreaming stage - which makes me really sad. However, I did have this one weird one. I'm not exactly sure if I was dreaming because I had a VERY bad headache and wasn't sure I was asleep, but here goes. I was e-mailing or writing a letter to Julia Roberts. In the dream I felt keenly connected to her because her twins are a week older than my daughter. Then her second pregnancy produced a son just like mine did. Anyway, through this letter we became friends(she called me!) and the best part was that after a while she paid off my debt and got me in to a couple of movies. Pretty neat huh? Now, do I actually attempt the letter.....

The plot thickens.....

2007-09-22T20:58:00.000-04:00

So......after 3 months of no communication, my mom emailed me. She wanted me to know that her glaucoma has worsened over the summer and she will have to have surgery on October 10 (I think that's the date, I was still in shock that she e-mailed!). At the end of the e-mail she asked if she could call Grayson for her birthday which is about 2 months away now. I must say I am torn. She sounded so down.
I'll be thinking out loud below, so if you feel one of the following options is better, then please reply, or I'm open to other options too.
1) Part of me wants to not reply. I mean they did say no communication. Is this only "speak if you are spoken to?"
2) Shoot out a nasty reply denying her a phone call. I mean it's only a phone call. Grayson probably doesn't remember who Nana is because she is 2 years and almost 10 months and she can barely remember yesterday let alone her Nana who visited in March.
3) Send a short succinct reply saying it's okay to call and we'll be praying for ya.

I might be making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I think if I let her call that is signaling the door is open. Open for communication and possibly more manipulation or attempted manipulation that I don't want to be a part of.
The last few months without them hasn't been that hard. We had our anniversary and their anniversary and I thought about sending a card with the new pictures of the kids, but I resisted because they said no communication unless there was an emergency. I wanted to talk to them when my job was up in the air because that's something that you want to talk to your parents about since they have more life experience.
I had made up my mind that we wouldn't accept presents from them for birthdays and not send any for them for the holidays. I still want to stick to that, but then feel like that might be a little hard-ass. Then I start to remember all the times they have hurt me and pulled this crap and I'm like "NO, they are lucky you acknowledge their existence at all!" Okay, that last sentence seems pretty dramatic, but I am a thespian, so what can I say.
Anyway, I was hoping by blogging about this I would be closer to an answer, and now it feels like I am further away from one. But I know that you all will help me focus and come up with a good solution. So....what do you think I should do?
In other news I must confess a slight crush on one of our grocery store checker/bag boys. There was a period of time in August when I was "forgetting" things so I could go to the store when he worked. He's just so cute.....he has blonde hair, a great tan, and tight abs, biceps, and calves. He seems very outdoorsy and probably hasn't a clue that I like staring at him. Me being an almost middle-aged, still nursing with 15 lbs. of baby weight on me mom. The reason I am confessing is because the other day he came over to finishing bagging my groceries as I was paying and I BLUSHED!!! and couldn't find the words to answer the sentence that the checker had asked me as I was cashing out. Sad isn't it, but it makes me look forward to the dreaded deed of grocery shopping. Now THAT'S motivation!!

A string of good luck?

2007-09-05T13:02:00.000-04:00

I guess I must be living right. Over the past few weeks I have; found $85, gotten a free dinner and wine at a nice restaurant, and scored tickets to the Panthers vs. the Steelers for my husband - all within like 3 days of each other. So I commented that I must be livin right (it's an expression down here in case you have not heard it). And I couldn't believe that one of the people in the dinner party said "So we must be living wrong?" Ummmm, no, I just seem to have really bad luck. Usually just one bad thing will happen and then it will snowball into a string of them and I begin to wonder when it will end. You know, kind of like the sexual harassment the first day of my new job. Maybe my fortune has turned and now I will continue to have a string of good things happening. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

Happy 9 months!

2007-08-20T21:14:00.001-04:00

Remember this guy? It's hard to believe that my little guy has now been out in the world as long as he was inside me. He has his "official" 9 month check up tomorrow, so I will update on all his data then. But when we went to the dr. to check his ears he weighed 21.5 lbs.! And he has his first ear infection. But he looks amazingly happy in these pictures.

Plus the blog hasn't had any pictures on it as of late. So what better than a beautiful baby boy to brighten a blog. ( and add a bunch of alliteration! )

His hair doesn't really look like Eddie Munster's that much in real-life. Don't ya just want to kiss those cheeks?!
Edited to add his stats: 21 lbs. and 28.5 in.

Looking forward to tomorrow

2007-08-19T09:48:00.000-04:00

Thinking back on a year ago, I can honestly say I am looking forward to this school year. Being a teacher is like running a marathon. There are two big hills to get over. The first is the long stretch from Sept. to Nov. without a break. We have to do this because down here when there are snow days (which may start in Jan. and end in April) school is usually called off. If it is REALLY cold and doesn't melt then you miss another day because the school buses will not go down impassible roads. Anywho, I digress. The final is at the end of the year when all the state tests are administered. My original post was about how I am looking forward to this year. And then...... on Saturday morning......my son awakes with

a fever.

He was blazin' hot too. Not just a slight thing, but one that only subsides with a sizable dose of ibuprofen. This now poses a conundrum because he is not to go to daycare with a fever. But it's the FIRST DAY! I will feel SO bad if I can't be there. They give you all the important info. and expectations and I will miss it. Normally that would be a welcomed break, but I am at a new school and you just can't miss the first day. I have Open House on Wednesday!!! My room is NOT unpacked. There are still scheduling decisions to be made. I feel so unprepared.
We'll hopefully get a walk-in appointment between 1 and 3 at the doctor later. I'm hoping it is just his 4 top teeth trying to come in, but in case it isn't then maybe we can get some medicine in him and get that fever down.
But still, I am looking forward to this school year.

A run-in with a homeless man

2007-08-17T21:42:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately our town has had many layoffs and there seems to be a growing number of homeless. Or maybe I should say there is a growing number of people who will stand on a median or interstate exit with a sign requesting help. Tonight I return from getting diapers at Target and I am faced with this decision. You see I don't talk about it much on my blog but I do believe in God and I very strongly believe in Matt. 25:40 about "whatever you do unto the least of these you have done unto me." This verse hits me in the face when I see people with a sign requesting help. While I am certainly by no means rich financially I feel obligated to show that I am not just a reader of the Word so to speak, but also a do-er. I have also seen a car in front of me give someone money and then in turn see the "homeless" person in the store buying beer. Sometimes I say a prayer for them. This feels safer to me because it has no direct contact, other than the uncomfortable feeling that lasts as you try to figure out where to place your eyes for the duration of the red light. I have bought them food and brought it to them, but tonight was different. I'm not quite sure what to learn from it.
I am sitting at the light which of course is a long one and the man can barely keep his head up. I had just spent my money on dinner and did not have cash, but there was a water sitting on the passenger seat. His sign read "homeless, any help will do." The water had been in the car all day and alas it has been mighty hot here, quite possibly a preview of hell! I roll down my window and say "Sir, I have a water - it's hot but you are welcome to it." Evidently he did not hear the "It's hot" part because he comes over and grabs it and yells "It's hot!". Then he throws it in the bushes beside him. I just shook my head and thankfully the light turned green so I could drive away in dismay. I guess I'm back to just sitting in my car and praying until I get the bad taste out of my mouth from this one.

We have a winner!

2007-08-16T21:12:00.000-04:00

Is what my husband yells out from the bathroom tonight as he is preparing to bathe our daughter. He pops his head out from the doorway with a smile and exclaims - "In the skid-mark race!" Apparently the speedy or lack of wiping has caught up with our daughter and made a mark in her underpants. I'm wondering - is this something babybook worthy? LOL. I mean there is the first tooth, first birthday, first skidmark? She might laugh later on when she can read it.

Last dance

2007-08-16T13:35:00.000-04:00

I'm noticing many of my titles have song references. I guess that is the musician in me! I can't get Donna Summer's song out of my head as I type this.
Anyway tomorrow is my last day of summer vacation and I can't believe it. To celebrate or perhaps mourn the loss of freedom for the next 10 months I have done a few special things for myself. I know so often as women my friends and I do for others, but not ourselves. Yesterday I had my hair cut and colored. This morning I had a somewhat religious experience as I had an HOUR massage! I have NEVER had a massage let alone for an hour. I now know what I will do with my birthday money EVERY year. Oh don't worry, you didn't miss it, it was back in February and since I have a hard time making decisions it just takes me this long to use it. Actually, as I filled in my calendar the other day I realized it is just under 18 months until I turn 40! Later today I will use a gift certificate from my student teacher and get a "mani and pedi" as they call it in the business. That would mean I was getting my fingernails and toenails painted and not having to do it myself. I get to eat lunch with my hubby tomorrow and dinner with a good old friend. Saturday I eat with some colleagues (oops, need to make the reservation!) and Monday it is back to work. I feel refreshed and generally oblivious to the deluge of parents, paperwork, and unpacking about to hit me. I'm not really even feeling guilty about the money I've spent. yet.

Maybe it runs in the family?

2007-08-16T09:26:00.000-04:00

Besides the lovely snoring the first thing I heard this morning was my cell phone ringing in the kitchen. I peep at the clock across the room which is my husband's and I can't figure out what time it is because he has it set at like some ungodly time fast. Most people set theirs in 5 min. increments like 5, 10, or 15 minutes fast, but he has his somewhere like 42 minutes fast. So I peer at my little clock which is difficult to read in the dark and without glasses and it says 7:38. Ummmm, he's supposed to be at work by 7:20. The next thing I do is get up and go see who called (I had an idea anyway) and notice a very bad smell. I stand and sniff to see if perhaps it is I who smell. So I leave the room, but alas it is not me who offends. I walk back in the kitchen and notice that one of the burner knobs is not in the upright position. DH HAD LEFT A BURNER ON WITH THE EMPTY FRYING PAN PERCHED ON IT!!!!!! Maybe it's something about this house that we can't control the stove. Or maybe it's just stupidity!

Burning down the house

2007-08-14T10:38:00.000-04:00

I actually almost did it! I was multi-tasking, but paying attention to the clock so I thought it would be all right. I left the kitchen with the apples for some babyfood steaming. I went to check and see how much money was in my bank account, pay a bill, and then head over to see what some of my friends at the birth club I frequent on Babycenter were up to. ONLY 10 minutes out of the 12 recommended in the recipe had gone by and I am sitting at our computer which is in the room beside the kitchen and I start to smell something that is definitely NOT apples. It's more smokey.....Oh My God. It must be the pan! I'm thinking the water must have boiled away and now the pan is going to melt on to the eye of the stove. I rush to the kitchen where smoke is pouring out the top of the pan and in one swift motion quickly shut it off and turn the fan over the stove on. Luckily there was a small pot of water on the back burner and I pour it into the pan with the apples. Time passes........pan cools.......and the science teacher in me HAS to investigate. I remove the steamer and toss the apples in a trash bag. The bottom of the pan is black and bubbly. However the bubbles are sort of crystally and pretty. Scrubbing and scraping ensues. I'm reminded how cool the element Carbon is. I remove what I believe to be part of the teflon coating layer. Now I wonder if I should use the pot again - if it's safe? I mean we cooked without teflon when I was little. I actually can't see any rips or tears in the teflon that could come off while I cook and pose as a choking hazard. This pot is the mac n' cheese pot. It's the tomato soup pot. I don't think I can throw her out. What's a girl to do? At least the house is still in tact for a few more hours and my family is none the wiser!

He don't know his greens

2007-08-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

So we were having lasagne last night and what goes better with lasagne than a salad and garlic bread? It's practically a standard. So instead of braving the grocery store with a tempermental toddler and a not-so-solid sitting up 8 month old during the busy part of the shopping day I asked my husband to bring home a head of lettuce. NOT the bagged stuff because well, it is getting SO expensive even when it is on sale and a head of iceberg is 1/3 the cost so we agreed that this would be a way for us to save a few bucks easily. I prepare the Stouffer's lasagne and garlic bread - all I need is the lettuce to whip up a quick salad and dinner is ready. Husband arrives home with something green. I must explain that this is not the best time of night for our children. Grant is tired and teething and Grayson is sporting a summer cold complete with revolving low-grade fever and bad attitude and so I wasn't really paying close attention to what the green thing was.(which is another reason I did not want to go to the store). The usual chaos of daddy arriving home ensues and I go to prepare the salad. Alas, he brought home CABBAGE. Now, I must say he has lived on his own, cooked at a restaurant briefly, and is 32 years old but did not know what a head of lettuce looks like when it hasn't been chopped and placed in a salad bag! Well, I tried. I suppose we'll just add that night on to the others where there isn't something green on the plate.

The wind knocked out of me

2007-08-13T13:23:00.000-04:00

Remember as a child playing football and getting tackled so hard that it felt like your lungs collapsed and you couldn't breathe? Well, I have had two events recently in my life that caused me to feel that. First, this past week I was informed after moving 4 truck loads of stuff from a school that I loved that my position at the new school was being cut. I suddenly felt like a small child in a big department store who had walked away from his or her mom and was lost. And then (second) I realized that for all intents and purposes I have lost my mom. So, it's been hard to write. Plus, my husband has this Warcraft game he likes to play at night after the kids go to bed (which has been REALLY late some nights, like 10 p.m.) and I have not received my work computer yet, SO we've had to share a computer. Which basically means he gets to use the computer at night. I'll get the airport hooked up ASAP after getting it and then we'll be in touch more!

What is this world coming to?

2007-07-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

Oh, I thought as a teacher I had heard it all, but watch the video in the link by clicking the title of the thread and then I think it will be close. I am about in tears. I guess I will be locking my doors at all times now.

Welcome Home

2007-06-26T10:03:00.000-04:00

Since I am actually not teaching, attending workshops, or having to review new curriculum or text books, I have been looking at houses. We have only lived here almost 2 years, but the house does not yet feel ours. For example, 2 bedrooms still have the depressing gray paint that the previous owners must have gotten a deal on because 2/3 of the house was painted that shade. I vow to rid the last 2 rooms of that shade this summer. However, my immediate attention has turned to our mini-front porch. It isn't large enough to put a swing or chair. But I realized that my little entry area is not so inviting. Now I have gifts of singing and teaching but not decorating. I KNOW that many of you do and thought, why not ask for help. So far I know I want to paint the front door - perhaps a lovely shade of purple (my favorite color) or red. I'd like to have some plants and maybe a new light, new house numbers. What else? Here's a few pictures to help your imagination.
First close and then further away.

Whatcha Readin'?

2007-06-19T22:03:00.000-04:00

Summer is my favorite time to read. Even as a child and teen I would voraciously devour at least a book a week. Since my job is changing and I have NO idea what I will be doing, I feel motivated to submerge myself in various subgroups of fiction and nonfiction. I just might sit on the couch all day and partake decadently in a Harry Potter novel as I did in the days before children. Below is a list of books I might get to read all the way through ( oh yes, I have started many a book in the last 2.5 years only to have it become covered in dust and the bookmark removed so that I have to start all the way over again.)
Also, if you have suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them. And now, in no particular order, my summer reading list-ish:
Harry Potter # 5, 6 & 7 (YEAH RIGHT! If I get through 5 I'll be happy!)
Confessions of a Slacker Mom
Scream-Free Parenting
How to Have A Mary Heart in a Martha World
God is Closer Than You Think
The Secret Lives of Girls
Hoot
The Freedom Writers

I will probably add and subtract as I receive responses or change my mind. What's on your list or coffee table?

Don't call us, we WON'T call you.

2007-06-19T21:31:00.000-04:00

I am officially the WORST daughter. My dad called to tell me so tonight. He doesn't EVER call. I guess you could look it up in the dictionary and see my picture or something. And to some degree it is true. I have been WAY overloaded at work and neglecting e-mails, children , spouse, and housework for at least the last 3 weeks. The end of the school year is just like that. So I do claim responsibility for part of my actions. But I do believe it takes two to tango and my mom was sending me snarky/provoking e-mails and I was trying to politely say nothing. The result is that we are not talking. And see here comes why I am the worst, I felt a little sad when he told me not to call, but mostly I felt

relief.

Relief that I don't have to act like nothing is wrong when there is something HUGELY wrong. Relief that I won't have to endure 12 hours of travel with an active toddler and 7 month old for a few days of pretending to know one another and enjoy each other's company.
Relief that I won't have to go through the family actions of calling or e-mailing without the family value of unconditional love.
Unfortunately when they do call, I know that it means something is REALLY wrong, like maybe my Grandma died, or my dad had a heartattack.
I feel like this might be a good thing. You see the only way I feel like I can preserve myself and the few shards of self-esteem or dignity I have left is to put up my shield to deflect the negativity, hurt, crazy, and superficiality. It's almost freeing.
I'm not sure how to proceed so that my children will know their Grandpa and Nana without the interference of this huge chasm between their parents and grandparents. You see, my husband is quite upset that my dad told me not to call or write. He feels that I shouldn't talk to them until I get an apology. And knowing my parents, I'm sure they are waiting for me to apologize first.
All I ask is that you pray we'll get a peaceful resolution and wisdom for me to know what to say and do. Of course, I've been praying for that for years.

What's in a Name?

2007-06-17T20:27:00.000-04:00

Asked Shakespeare. Well, I felt like the name of the blog didn't really fit any longer. Then when someone on a bulletin board I frequent commented on the low number of posts by listing the few other names and then "Heather at night" it made me think of a talk show. But, I liked it well enough to change the name here. I do usually post at night anyway, so it is fitting. Now all I need is some catchy theme music!

BIG boy

2007-06-17T14:28:00.000-04:00

Grant had his 6 month check up Friday(almost a month late thanks to the busy-ness at the end of the school year) and here are his stats:
Height = 27 inches.
Weight = 19.9 pounds.
OMG No wonder my arms are getting tight and tired! And because I can't resist him, here is a recent pic. of that sweet boy.

A budding photographer

2007-06-17T13:51:00.000-04:00

Ahh, summer. So Greg was dancing with Grayson and I wanted to get a picture. After I got the picture Grayson went looking for her camera and wanted to take some pictures. Of course we couldn't find it, so I let her use mine (with great delight I might add!) Below is the first (of I'm sure many to come) photo exhibit. I personally like the one of me at the end. What's your favorite?
This is part of the lazy boy chair. Next we have the computer chair (I'm sure you're starting to see her theme....)
Then she branches out to the foot stool I like to rest my feet on under the computer. She also got a little bit of her finger.
Then she moves further out and gets one of the whole room ( no judgments on Sun. about the cleanliness please....)
And then me.....

A little out of focus perhaps and missing a head, but still me. LOL
Happy Father's Day everyone.

Blogging and full-time employment

2007-05-21T22:14:00.000-04:00

Just don't go together. I mean, it's 10:15 and I should be in bed, but yet it's been almost a month and I have so much I want to write about?!?! Is there a way I can blog and get paid to do it?! LOL. Okay, I'll post more in the next few days as there are only 3 weeks of school left and I have lessons written. Oh, did I mention I'll be switching jobs next year? Hope it will be good. I've been watching too much Food Network and now need a snack. Am I the only person that happens to?

The Lost

2007-04-23T21:37:00.000-04:00

No, it's not a t.v. show. It's a waste of time because I have LOST too many things in the past week. I'd like to chock it up to mommy brain, but jeez. First on Tuesday I *thought* I left my classroom with the key. On Wednesday when I went to enter, I realized I did not have the key. The whole day finding the key was on my mind. In fact, I don't think I got but a few things done because I was trying to retrace my steps mentally. Luckily on Wednesday my student teacher had it on her desk! Thank goodness because there is a $50 fee for replacement and God knows I don't have that kind of money. Then on Friday I went to get our babysitter some cash....only to discover that my debit card is gone. I decided NOT to report it because I could have put it in my jacket pocket and I'm cheap (did I mention that?) and wanted to hunt some more unsuccessfully before surrendering. Did I also mention that I hate wasting time looking for things that did not make it to their properly allocated space?! ( that sentence sounds horribly anal when I just reread it!) Alas, by Sunday I had exhausted all areas and gave in. The new card will be here within 3 - 5 business days. The pisser is that I can't access my bank account online because the login is tied to your card number.....which I don't know since it hasn't arrived. I NEVER (I'm talking like before children) used to lose things. I already lost one classroom key this year (that's just karma trying to tell the rest of the school that I shouldn't be in 6th grade IMO) I think there is a secret blackhole in the cosmos that holds all my missing stuff, including all those single socks in the dryer. A Bermuda triangle if you will. Maybe when I die I'll have access to that Bermuda triangle and find all that I've lost.

Sunday Fun

2007-04-23T12:42:00.000-04:00

It's official - summer is here!? Here is Grayson sitting in her chair, eating a popsicle in the Elmo sprinkler.
It was a beautiful day. Grant got to try his first popsicle.

My favorite part was when Grayson ran up and said she had "sparkly" hair. I tried to get a picture with the light just right to capture this phenomenon. It's days like these that make me long for more.

Love/Hate Relationship

2007-04-22T14:33:00.000-04:00

I am limited on the amount of time when I shop, but I LOVE a bargain, and I NEED to not spend much money, so Wal-Mart is the perfect place for me.......but.....
I HATE it too.
I HAVE to go there once a week to stock up. I can get more food for the family there than any other place. And if I need something odd, I don't have to make another trip to a different store. This is especially important when you have a 2 yr. old who can only sit in the cart comfortably for about 20 min. and it is 5 o'clock p.m. and your 5 month old needs to nurse in the next half hour. I've been comparison shopping since last summer and watch the flyers like a hawk and this is my conclusion.
I HATE Wal-Mart for many reasons. Let's start with the carts. My local Food Lion started providing antibacterial wipes at their entrances near the carts. I find this small perk comforting. It was drizzling the last time I took the kids to Wal-Mart which meant that the seat was wet - could we find a papertowel to dry it off? No, we also passed our dry cart on to a couple entering in the same situation with their child. Next area of hatred.....the organization. Now I know they sell everything, but there has to be a more logical way to get it in that huge place. I mean, one should not have to spend twice their allocated shopping time in search of one item, my latest being floral wire - shouldn't it have been in the craft department near the fake flowers? I never did find it. Also if I need help finding something there isn't anyone around to ask. My financial and time budgets are both limited. The final area of hatred is the check-out. No matter how many they have open, there is ALWAYS a line - with at least 3 people, even the self check-outs. There has only been one time I did not have to wait in line and that was at 7 a.m. on a Monday. Unfortunately for most of the year I am on my way to work at this time. I'll save the rest of my comments on their workers for another rant!
And yet, in spite all of its flaws.................
I'll be there next week. Am I a hypocrit?

5 months old

2007-04-18T22:27:00.000-04:00

today Grant is 5 months old. I can't believe it has gone by so quickly. Happy 5 month birthday little buddy.

A mighty wind

2007-04-18T21:10:00.000-04:00

Does this tree look half full or half empty? LOL
This is part of the branch that was laying across the driveway.
Daddy and Grayson took care of breaking down the branches.

Then on Monday we lost power for over an hour at school. THAT was exciting. We're okay now. Hope everyone else is.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

2007-04-15T22:40:00.000-04:00

Not Grandma like we thought, but Grant! The weather was too treacherous for Grandma to venture over safely. So, my sweet almost five month old boy sat in the high chair for the first time tonight. I'll do my best to include a picture. It's another milestone in his life. I was reading my friend Rebecca's blog and she lamented kids growing up being bittersweet and I have to agree. It's so exciting that he is starting to eat big boy food and sit up, but then it is sad too because he is not my BABY anymore.
He is SO precious....which leads to my next dilemma. We have had 3 great days together. We took the most glorious nap together this afternoon. I love being with him, and yet
I love teaching.
I sway between wanting to be a stay at home mom and a working mom. Good days, I wish I was home, bad days I am so glad I get to go to work. And then comes the guilt monster for feeling like I don't want to be around my kids when they are misbehaving. Well, right now it's really only my 2 yr. old who tells me "NO" to just about everything. It causes me to pray! I really don't know what to do with her, other than do my best to be consistent and patient. I feel like I can't do anything right and everything that she does that is wrong is my fault. Tomorrow I return to being away from them for almost 50 hours a week and we'll see how I feel.

Eau de Urine

2007-04-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

It seems that my 2 yr. old is having some potty-training setbacks. Nothing major, just being so involved in the "Little Einsteins" cartoon or watching her dad mow the lawn that she can't take a minute to actually go and sit on the toilet. It seems two of the areas we will be able to use Resolve carpet-cleaner to clean-up and two of the other times it was in the kitchen, so that could be cleaned up with paper towel. I just don't want the house to SMELL like we've been potty-training. There was a rather large accident on the non-cleanable rug today. I'm pretty sure it soaked into the pad underneath. Hoping that having the sliding doors and a window open will help it to dry out. Some people have nice smelling homes courtesy of Glade, Yankee candles, or perhaps Bath and Body Works. Some of my favorite scents include Eau de parfum by Calvin Klein. I'm hoping the title for our new scent will not be Eau de Urine by Grayson.

Relocation cleaning

2007-04-13T21:29:00.000-04:00

At approximately 3:30 I receive a call from my husband confirming that his father and step-mom will be arriving in a couple hours to begin the weekend o' festivities for his birthday. At this point I am relieved because that means I do not have dinner responsibility other than eating and maybe a little clean-up. No preparing - YEAH!!! That means more playtime with the kids. However, I can only focus on one important task at a time and this week's task has been to prepare the back room which was formerly the computer/music/boxes-of-stuff-we-don't-want-to-deal with room to a room for our little girl. Which means that although I was home 3 days without children, I have not attended to housecleaning much, which means that our house was not "company ready". And although each husband and wife relationship is supposed to split the housework, we all know that it mainly falls on the female, so when it isn't complete (EVEN if it's not your area) it reflects on the female, NOT the male. And I hate looking bad, even though my parts of the house were pretty clean. I quickly did some dishes and stuffed the last 2 nights' plates in the dishwasher which meant I only had to figure out what to do with the bills and other paperwork items that I always have trouble controlling on the table. So......
I did it.
I am not proud, it was a means to an end. We needed a place to eat dinner.
Here is what I did. I may not be the queen of it, but I am probably a duchess or something. I picked stuff up from the kitchen table and side table, put the paperwork in to a giftbag and transported it to the backroom. I relocated the items to create an appearance of cleanliness. However, this presented another problem. It revealed the Christmas clothe I had put to cover the sidetable. I replaced a few items so that you could only see the plaid and NOT the holly! LOL. This quick displacement even left me time enough to sweep the floor and scour the brownie crumb that got mashed into the linoleum leaving a suspicious brown mark. Remember, when in doubt, ship it out!

You're such a mom!

2007-04-13T09:08:00.000-04:00

Those are the words that one of my friends (who does not yet have children) said to me yesterday as we were preparing to go to see "Blades of Glory". Here is why; I was shoving a pair of socks into my jacket pocket in case my feet got cold in the theatre. Gone are the days of smuggled candy or beer, I was just trying to keep my toes warm. Because once my toes are cold, then so is the rest of my body. It's similar but not yet at the point of my own mom who would make us put on a sweater or jacket each time SHE was cold!
I haven't decided if it is an insult, I mean I'm not at the "Kleenex in the pocket" stage of momhood yet, but in some ways I am relishing it as a compliment. Think about ALL the great things your mom or you do for your kids each day? See, that's a compliment.

The heartbeat from long ago

2007-04-12T09:27:00.000-04:00

Ya know how night-time is supposed to be for sleeping? Well, I have an almost 5 month old and a 2 yr.old. So *sometimes* night-time is for sleeping. It's also for eating according to Grant my son who has to have me every 2 hours! LOL.

As I was rocking my daughter to try and get her back to sleep around 3 or 4 this morning( I'm not really sure what time it was because "things" got cranked up around 2 and I think we all finally settled back to sleep between 5 and 5:30) I started thinking. Missing sleep may be no big deal to some of you I'm sure, but I'm a 10 - 12 hour of sleep a night kind of girl, so being up for 2 to 3 hours does not produce such a sweet person the next day - now multiply this by a couple weeks and you've got someone who can only be described as cantankerous. Anyway, back to my original thought which was that even though daddy had been in to visit her and do the same thing a couple times, she seemed to be headed back to sleep now. I started thinking that I'm sure having her inside me for 9+ (she was late!) months and then almost a year of nursing must have created some type of bond that she doesn't have with her dad. And that is why mommy might be more effective at some things than daddy. Or why she has to have mommy instead of daddy. Her head was on my chest with one ear on my heart as we rocked and she spouted random thoughts. The talking dissipated and I listened to her breathing and could almost feel her head go up and down as my heart beated. This tympanic lullaby echoed back comfort from when she was growing inside me. It was a familiar heartbeat from long ago lulling her back to sleep.

He loves me!

2007-04-11T09:29:00.000-04:00

My husband just called to tell me he was thinking of me and loved me. Isn't that sweet? I wonder what he wants to buy.......

Girl's Day

2007-04-09T20:58:00.000-04:00

Today was girl's day! I took Grant to daycare and Grayson and I spent the day together. We started by visiting my favorite local bakery - the Tasty Bakery - for donuts this morning. I sort of had to bribe her to leave daycare without crying. Then we made up this little jingle "It's girls day, it's girls day!". We didn't exactly know what was going to happen on girl's day, but I was determined to see the sweet little girl I gave birth to about 2 years ago emerge. It seems the terrible two monster has overtaken her body. I wasn't sure if it was sibling rivalry or the terrible twos that was causing her to want to hit her parents and tell them NO. We proceeded to do some chores - cleaning mom and dad's bathroom and vacuuming the living room floor. She is a great helper and got a kick out of shaking the bathroom rugs. We jammed to the Barenaked Ladies while cleaning. I mean what better music to scrub a toilet to? Then it was time to take a shower. She loves to take a shower with me, in fact she inspected my C-section scar and asked "Boo-boo mommy?". She even offered to kiss it - yes a little weird, but that's what a 2 yr. old requires when she is hurt, so it made sense to her to kiss momma's boo-boo. It took about an hour for us to get dressed because my kid just doesn't want to wear clothes. I hope this tendency does not predestine her to some kind of stripping job. Once we got clothes and make up on, it was time to head to Target. My brother's birthday and my husband's birthday both fall this week. Got Easter placemats on 1/2 off. We were lucky the Icee machine was repaired AND had a new flavor - Green Apple. Then on our way home we stopped at Wendy's for nuggets and fries - the lunch of champions (NOT!). I chose the Chunky chicken Frescata. She discovered Ranch dressing is good "dip" for fries. After a very long potty break and repeated reminders to wipe top to bottom ( any suggestions on how to perfect this are greatly appreciated!) we were down for a nap. The phone disrupted mine, but at 4:15 I woke her so we could go get her brother. I look forward to the day at the end of the week with her brother. I saw shades of the girl I knew before her brother was born, and also the two year old demon child. It's days like today that make me wish I was a stay at home mom.

The days before Grant was born

2007-04-08T21:38:00.000-04:00

I guess I should start a few days before he was born....like the Wednesday before he was born. I went to my weekly doctor's appointment expecting to get the usual pee-in-a-cup, blood pressure, measure the tummy check. As the doctor (Dr. B to be exact) starts feeling my belly and says he wants to check my amniotic fluid with the ultrasound. I'm thinking "hurry up I've got to go get Grayson in a few minutes". He starts the machine and squeezes some of the jelly on my tummy. He slides the wand around and around and around. Then he cuts it off and tells me I'm low and we need to induce! Oh My GOD I'm thinking. Immediately,my mind starts racing through the list of things I have yet to accomplish but need to - grading 52 science fair projects and research papers, making 9 weeks of sub-plans for 4 different classes, arranging more specifically for someone to care for Grayson while I'm at the hospital, PACKING MY BAG!!!!(do I know where that tube of lanolin is that I stashed so that Grayson wouldn't use it as toothpaste?!), putting together the cradle and making a spot for it in our bedroom ,etc. "I've got two more weeks until this kid is supposed to be born". I wait at the desk while Dr. B calls the hospital to arrange my induction - they offer me 6:45 the next morning. UMMMMM- NO that won't work for me! After a few more times back and forth, I get a spot on Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. Perfect ( or so I think!) He tells me they will make it real special for me and that makes me feel better because I'm just not quite ready mentally for this kid to be here. I'm ready to not be pregnant, but I had my heart set on a December baby and this will definitely mess up our Thanksgiving plans. Plus, I'm still trying to get over the HORRIBLE stomach flu my husband so lovingly brought home to us about a week ago. I'm on the phone as soon as I'm out the door - first to daycare to let her know why I'm late and then to Greg my husband. Then I call for a substitute. I get Grayson and slap something together for dinner. We enjoy one of our last times as a family of three laughing and loving.

18 months old

2006-06-28T20:03:00.000-04:00

May 30, 2006. It is hard to believe Grayson is 18 months old! Where has the time gone? She looks so blonde! She was eating pizza (pieces as she likes to call it) when I snapped this pic.

First post

2006-06-28T13:21:00.000-04:00

Aren't you glad you came to visit?! Congrats to the Stanley Cup winning Canes!